


In Plain Sight

by Graceless_Lady



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Insecurity, James POV, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Obvious!James, Underage Drinking, friends with benefits (kind of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:16:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28151496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graceless_Lady/pseuds/Graceless_Lady
Summary: Seventh year isn't turning out the way James had hoped. His parents are unwell, he has been partying more than he should and for the first time in his life his grades are slipping. On top of all that, he is starting to have strange feelings for his best friend.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Comments: 68
Kudos: 159





	1. The Beautification Potion

“Feet on the ground Potter.” McGonagall admonished.

James shared a smirk with Sirius across the room. Sirius had been banished there with Remus earlier in the school year so, as McGonagall put it, they would stop disrupting their classmates. Under McGonagall’s glare James gradually slid his legs off the table and onto the floor with pointed slowness.

Peter squeaked, hand jerking out just in time to stop an inkwell James’s legs had disturbed from splashing across his notes.

“You do realise you’re a wizard, right?” James snarked not bothering to keep his voice low.

This statement was followed by a muffled round of snickering from the group of Gryffindor girls sitting in the front row. James eyes automatically sought out a familiar flash of red hair out of the group. Unfortunately, Lily was still facing the front of the room. But James thought he could maybe see her shoulders shaking slightly in what _could_ be laughter. His mood lifted.

“As I was saying.” McGonagall continued her voice raised to cut off the remaining giggles. “I have marked these papers to give you a taste of the standard that will be expected of you for your NEWTs. You would do well to keep in mind that the expectations at NEWTs level far exceeds that at OWLs level. And I would have to say that the majority of you are not yet operating at this standard. Your NEWTs results represent….”

James tuned her out, letting his eyes drift longingly to the open window where fluffy white clouds are drifting past an impossibly blue sky. The weather was remarkable for this early in the year. He wondered vaguely whether Sirius would be up for skiving off last period. His mouth practically salivated at the thought of flying on what very well might be the only fine day of this month.

“Mr Potter. Mr Pettigrew.” McGonagall said, walking past and dropping a paper on each of their desks.

“Oh no.” Peter said in misery as he turned his paper over. With a dramatic groan he buried his head in his folded arms.

Trying not to laugh at his friend’s misfortune, James gave him a brief consolidatory pat on the shoulder. Transfiguration was Pete’s best subject, probably due to the years of coaching Sirius and James had given him prior to his transformation in 5th year, but he still struggled with certain theoretical aspects and in particular conjugation which this essay had been regarding.

James flipped over his own paper over out of habit more the curiosity.

He frowned.

His first thought was that McGonagall must have given him the wrong essay back. But even with the multitude of red ink corrections layered on top, he could clearly tell it was his own messy scrawl underneath.

Wildly his next thought was that maybe the NEWTs have a different grading system to that used during his last six years at the school. Maybe the “D” no longer stood for “Dreadful” at NEWTs level, maybe that’s what McGonagall had been explaining when he had tuned out, maybe now the “D” stood for “Delightful” or “Discerning” perhaps even “Delicious”. However, his runaway thoughts did not seem to have stopped the sinking feeling in his chest. A nasty voice reminded him of the work he had already received back this year, even in transfiguration and how all of that had been graded as per the usual scheme.

Never in all his years at Hogwarts had James got anything less than an Acceptable. Even in Potions, by far his worst subject, he had only ever got A’s and E’s. It didn’t make sense.

Unless… maybe she had marked everyone unfairly. As a scare tactic to get them to study harder. He looked over at Sirius’s table. Sirius was lazily twisting his quill though his long fingers the way he often did with his wand and chatting with Remus. His paper was turned up the right way, but James couldn’t make out the grade from across the room. But neither he nor Remus looked at all like they had received an unexpectedly terrible grade.

“How’d you do?” Peter asked resurfacing from the cradle of his arms.

“Er.” James quickly snatched up his paper, jerking it under the table and out of eyesight. “Fine.”

Peter groaned. “Mum’s going to kill me. That’s the second D I’ve got this term, not to mention the two I got before Christmas….”

The buzzing in James’s brain tuned him out. James felt his whole world upend. He got the same grade as _Peter._ James slumped back in his seat. He just wanted to _die_.

+++

The rest of the lesson was a blur.

James was grateful for the first time ever that the lesson was theoretical and not practical. He scratched notes on autopilot without taking a word of it in, his mind reeling. He couldn’t help sneaking glances at his paper tucked in his book bag and securely out of sight form prying eyes.

But the grade remained a stubborn, mocking D.

Finally, McGonagall wrapped up the lesson. James mechanically wrote down the homework on a scrap of paper. The sound of chair’s scraping and chattering signalled the end of the lesson as his classmates filed out. His afternoon of flying and skiving off potions had completely fed his mind.

“I’ll catch up with you guys,” He said, shooting his friends what he hoped would come across as a reassuring smile.

Sirius’s confused expression told him he hadn’t entirely managed it.

“Really, it’s fine, go. I just need a word.” James said, giving up on his reassuring smile and sending Sirius a pleading look instead.

“Come on guys. We’ll see you in potions Prongs.” Sirius’s said finally to James’s relief. Sirius threw his arms over Remus and Peter’s shoulders and steered them out of the room.

James waited until they out the door before he turned to McGonagall. She sat at her desk bent over a stack of papers obviously starting to prepare for the next lesson.

“Professor?” He asked gaining her attention.

“Ah, Mr Potter. I thought I would be hearing from you.”

All clever thoughts fled James’s mind under McGonagall’s be-speckle gaze.

“I don’t understand.” It sounded a bit pathetic and James kind of hated himself for it, but at least it softened McGonagall’s expression.

“Have you read through my corrections?’

“No.” James admitted.

“Well, I think it would be best to start there.” She said before beginning to turn back to her papers.

James stepped forward sensing he was about to be dismissed. “Professor, I have never ever got a mark this low before, in anything.”

McGonagall considered him her expression unreadable.

James swallowed. “I know conjuration. I only just conjured a flock of seagulls a week ago. In this very classroom.”

“I know you do, Mr Potter.” McGonagall sighed. “But your essay did contain any of the relevant magical theory. There was no reference of Gamp’s Law. There were errors throughout. In fact, much of the third and fourth paragraphs where completely irrelevant to the subject, which indicates to me that not only did you copy those sections from a previous essay, but you did not even bother to proof read. To me it seemed it had been written in under an hour with zero thought. Possibly while drunk?”

James stared back. He hoped his innocent expression was more convincing than his reassuring smile had been earlier.

“Or hungover?”

James’s poker face slipped.

“I see.” McGonagall said sounding devastatingly disappointed.

“Professor, my parents have been… are unwell.” If James didn’t loath himself earlier, he certainly did now.

McGonagall sighed, running a hand over face. She looked tired.

“I am sorry, Mr Potter. I am aware of this and have been making allowances since the start of term. This is not the first substandard essay you have turned in this term. However, it is unfair to your fellow students for me to continue to make allowances indefinitely. It is also unfair to you, as the NEWT examiners will certainly not take into account any personal hardships when marking your end of year exams.”

James felt horrifyingly like he might cry.

“Right. Well, thanks for your understanding.” He said bitterly picking up his book bag and intending to march out of the room before he did anything embarrassing, like bursting into tears like a homesick first year.

“Mr Potter.”

James spun around.

“What?” He spat out.

“You’re a smart boy, you know the work, don’t throw it all away in your last year.”

“Thanks for the advice.” James said shortly, storming out before he could receive any more unsolicited advice.

+++

James considered not going to potions at all. Honestly, he felt a bit sick. Potentially sick enough that he may have been able to convince Madam Pomfrey to give him a note. But potions was his worst subject, and if he could fail so dismally in his best, he probably couldn’t afford to miss it.

“You alright?” Sirius muttered in an undertone as James dropped his book bag by their usual table.

Slughorn was much more tolerant when it came to Sirius and James’s regular interruptions, especially compared to McGonagall who had exiled them to opposite sides of the classroom during their first week of seventh year. Last year it had taken Slughorn a full two terms before to separating them. Personally, James thought Slughorn thoroughly enjoyed their jokes. He was always giving them an indulgent look before taking a few house points, which he would then almost immediately give back with more besides after seeing Sirius’s potion at the end of the lesson.

“Yeah fine, just quidditch stuff.” He lied, digging in his book bag for his potion textbook to hide his face. He tried to ignore stab of the guilt that always followed lying to Sirius.

Sirius had already set up his cauldron, so all James had to do was flick to the right page in his textbook.

“605.” Sirius muttered without prompting.

“Right, thanks.”

James let out a not entirely quiet groan. The Beautification Potion. He hated cosmetic potions they were always so fiddly. Add an ingredient a second too late and you end up covered in elephant skin rather than curing that annoying spot on your chin.

“Now remember.” Slughorn said from the front of the room. “The student with the top mark for the term will receive a vial of Felix Felicis to use _legally,_ ” he said with a stern look in the direction of Sirius and James’s table, “as he or she wishes. There are a couple of front runners, but it’s still anyone’s game.”

James snorted. There are only really three students in James’s year that could contend for the top spot in potions. Sirius, Lily and Snape had been duking it out for the lead in potions since first year. Well, in truth, it was only really Lily and Snape who ever competed. Sirius _could_ but after brewing perfect potions for an entire term Sirius would always brew a dud with suspiciously catastrophic and entertaining results. James assumed it was because he didn’t want to give his family the satisfaction of him coming first in a class so linked to famous Slytherin graduates.

James found himself inadvertently grinning as he remembered the incident from last year when Sirius’s potion had exploded the stonework between the classroom Slughorn’s apartments, and they had all got an eyeful of Slughorn’s massive pink long johns drying before his fireplace.

After every incident, Slughorn treated Sirius to a disappointed look and a long, boring lecture on how one day Sirius would understand that his future was far more important than trying to impress a fleeting paramour. Not that Sirius seemed to care. James still didn’t know what so called ‘paramour’ Slughorn was referring to. As far as James was aware, his best friend had received a lot of interest from various classmates over the years, but had yet to show even a speck of interest back.

Anyway, it wasn’t as if James could be that upset about missing out on the prize. Sirius has been able to brew them their own Felix Felicis since their 5th year. And Sirius’s potions didn’t have any annoying legalities attached to their usage.

Slughorn was still chattering away about the lesson ahead when James tuned back in. “All going as planned, you will each have a completed potion by the end of the lesson. I will inspect the potions to ensure they are acceptable for consumption and only then may you test your potion on your partner. We can then see who was the best brewer!”

Two rows down Lily and Snape are prattling to each other. Following whomping willow incident at the end of their 6th year, Snape and Lily seemed to have been trying to rekindle their friendship. James felt his temper flare.

“Aw, bad luck Lily.” James said loudly enough to attract their attention. Half the class turn to stare at him. “Not really an even playing field, is it? When you have to try and make Snivellus look good?”

Sirius laughed next to him, while Snape sent him a murderous glare.

Lily just rolled her eyes. “I feel more sorry for Black to be honest. How’s he supposed to brew something to fix your ugly mug? Maybe he’ll just use the opportunity to blow up the classroom again.”

James grinned. “I hate to say it, but I think Snape might just win by default. I mean how are we even going to tell if he brewed it right? You’re already so beautiful.”

Lily flushed. James couldn’t help but feel very proud of himself, it was almost enough to make up for the disaster that was transfiguration.

Slughorn clapped his hands to redirect their attention back to the front of the room.

“Yes, well.” He bristled. “If you want to be finished before the end of period, and not have to stay back, you’d better get started.”

James followed the crowd of students down the stairs into store cupboard. James was amused to overhear Slughorn grumbling about “hormones” and “adolescents” as he walked past his desk.

+++

James was watching the back of Lily’s head as he idly stirred his cauldron. Her hair really was amazing, the perfect shade of red, he thought dreamily.

“Prongs.” Sirius interrupted irritably, yanking his hand off his ladle. “It says three times not as many times as it takes to compose a sonnet to Lily’s hair.”

James bristled, feeling put out that his thoughts were so utterly transparent. He forcefully redirected his attention to his text book. His eyes slid over the instructions again not really taking them in. He then glanced down to compare his potion to Sirius’s. He was annoyed to admit they already they are diverging. While Sirius’s had developed a dark grey with a beautiful pearlescent sheen, while James’s had remained stubbornly milky white. James once again cursed his bad luck in not inheriting his father’s flair for potion making.

“Ugh.” James said.

“Here.” Sirius said, grabbing some fairy wings from his bench and tossing them in. His potion immediately begun to correct to a pale grey. “Now stir clockwise, nine times, only nine.”

James rolled his eyes at Sirius’s babying.

“I have to drink that so pay attention.”

James couldn’t help but smirk back at him. “Aw is Padfoot worried I’m going to mess up his pretty face.”

“Yes, Padfoot is very worried. Now stir.” He commanded.

James rolled his eyes again but did start paying a bit more attention, he didn’t _actually_ want to poison Sirius after all.

Fifteen minutes later, James had accidently added the ginger root before the unicorn hair and his potion was turning a nasty khaki rather than the rainbow of colours it was supposed to.

“Shit.” James said, flopping down on his chair after adding more unicorn hair to compensate, only succeeding in making his potion darker.

Sirius’s looked over his cauldron and made a face. “Sorry mate, I don’t think even your dad could fix that one.”

James groaned loudly. Sirius favoured him with an amused smile.

“Why are you so happy? You have to drink it.”

Sirius’s smile immediately dropped.

“There’s no way Slughorn’s making me drink it now. He likes me too much for that.” Sirius said haughtily.

James glared at him.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, it seemed Sirius was right.

Slughorn gave James’s potion a cursory look. “Nice try Mr Potter, perhaps a bit more diligence with the instructions, next time…” James watched as Slughorn puts his mark next to his name in his notebook with far more interest than usual. James felt a powerful sense of relief as the letter resolved itself as tiny _A_.

“But I think we might save Mr Black the obligation of drinking that one.” Slughorn continued giving James’s ladle a doubtful poke with his quill. In response, Sirius threw James a teasing I-told-you-so smirk while Slughorn wasn’t looking.

“Now Mr Black,” Slughorn said, far more enthused. “I must say you have perfected the multifaced colourful hue we are looking for. And with a unique twist too I have rarely seen a Beautification potion with such a pearlescent sheen, that will be your light touch with fairy wings. Really very excellent brewing, I look forward to seeing its effect on Mr Potter.”

“Thank you, Professor.” Sirius said, his voice just short of mocking.

“Don’t think its really fair that I have to drink yours, but you don’t have to drink mine.” James grumbled half-heartily.

Too lazy to grab a goblet from the front of class, Sirius casually conjured a goblet from thin air and scooped generous ladle full of potion into it.

Sirius laughed. “I think you’ll thanking me in a couple of minutes.”

“Cocky today, aren’t we?” James said with a grin accepting the potion. “Well, I better turn out better than Snivellus at least, or I am holding you personally responsible.”

Slughorn directed the handful of students with potions to try, to the front of the classroom. Always one for dramatic tension, Slughorn arranged them so James, Lily and Snape are bundled up one end of the line.

Alice went first. She shallowed a potion that looked like someone has soaked confetti in water. Nothing happened for a moment, and then, slowly her blond unruly curly hair formed into perfect ringlets, and her skin smoothed out into a perfectly even shade.

“Not bad, not bad at all, Mr Longbottom.” Slughorn said. “Maybe a touch more unicorn hair next time.”

Peter was next. He shot Remus a worried look before taking a cautious sip of potion.

James watched curiously as the cluster of pimples on Peters forehead disappear, his blond hair lightened from its usual dirty blond and became thicker. Something in his features hardened as well, turning his usual weak chin and weedy eyes more conventionally handsome.

“Good job, Mr Lupin. Less time on the heat I think could have made the potion more potent.”

Slughorn went through Mary and Frank, both of which received some improvements to their skin and hair.

When Slughorn arrived at Lily he clapped his hands together excitedly. James was pretty excited himself.

“Miss Evan.” He directed.

Lily dutifully swallowed a mouthful of Snape’s potion.

James’s mouth went slack. He hadn’t thought Lily couldn’t get any more perfect, but here it was. Her skin became a fine porcelain, her green eyes glittering emeralds, her soft curves more exaggerated, and her hair, still its beautiful vibrant red, became more full-bodied than ever before and almost seemed to shimmer in the low candle light of the dungeons. She looked ethereal.

Lily’s shifted self-consciously, using her robes to cover up her slightly enhanced chest.

“Very well-done Mr Snape, I especially enjoy your use of a sprinkle of fairy dust, unorthodox but clearly very effective.”

James snapped his mouth shut when his eyes fell on Snape only to be met with the exact same open mouthed expression he was wearing.

Snape was next, he swirled the potion in his cup slightly before drinking it quickly. Once again, the effect was instantaneous. Snape’s dark lanky greasy hair became clean and full-bodied, almost Sirius- esque in appearance. His spine straightened, his shoulders widened, his shallow complexion became healthy. James tried to give Lily an impressed look, but she was too busy staring at Severus as if he had grown a second head.

“Excellent job, Miss Evans. Very potent, that would be the fine milling of your ginger root at work.”

James didn’t bother waiting for Slughorn’s direction. He raised his goblet to Sirius in a mock toast and downed it whole. For a moment he felt nothing, and then there was the slow undeniable slide of magic through his body, it felt almost as if a disillusionment charm had been cast except the effect was warm rather than cool.

Someone drew in a sharp breath. James smiled charmingly in the direction of the noise.

“Impressive, Mr Black.” Slughorn said, inspecting James carefully. “Very nicely done, subtle but powerful. A more natural effect is often preferred for these types of cosmetic potions, otherwise the effects may lean toward uncanny.”

As soon as Slughorn stepped back, James searched out Lily. He was not disappointed. She looked back at him round eyed and stunned. He sent her a wink and was rewarded with slack jawed astonishment.

The bell toned loudly through the classroom announcing the end of the period. James stalked cockily back to his desk as Slughorn announced Sirius the winner of that lesson over the noise of cauldrons clattering and chairs scrapping.

James shoved his shoulder into Sirius’s once he reached their desk. “You were right mate, I do owe you. Lily’s face alone, wow. Never seen her look at me like that.”

Sirius gave him a tight smile averting his graze and vanishing both their potions with a flick of his wand. “Come on. I’ve got to get to the Great Hall if I want any food before detention tonight.”

James’s heart sunk. “What? Again?”

Sirius gave him a short bark of a laugh. “It’s still the same stint McGonagall gave me for the prank in the Hufflepuff common room we pulled last week.”

“Still? That was a completely harmless.” James complained. He felt guilt creep over him again. Since James had been made Head Boy at the beginning of the school year, Sirius had been taking the blame for their pranks alone more and more regularly.

“Maybe I should turn myself in…”

“You’ll do no such thing.” Sirius interrupted fiercely. “Look, all that would achieve is us both being stuck in detention for weeks on end.”

James frowned. “I still don’t like it.”

Sirius finally looked at him giving him a soft smile.

“I really don’t mind. Besides,” Sirius said swinging his book bag over his shoulder, “Can’t have you missing Prefects meetings now that Evan’s has looked at you like that.”

James felt his mood lift. “It was a pretty good reaction, right?” He ran a hand through his hair, it felt unnaturally silky. There was a loud clang as Mary who was watching him instead of her feet knocked a cauldron off one of the tables. James grinned. He could get used to this.

They caught up with Remus and Peter outside the dungeons. James somehow managed to convince the rest of them to make a detour to the bathrooms.

Once through the bathroom door, James and Peter immediately flew to the mirrors, leaving Remus and Sirius to roll their eyes and chat over by the door.

James ran his eyes greedily over his reflection. He looked kind of like himself and yet at the same time not. Slughorn was right, Sirius’s potion hadn’t turned him into an ethereal being like Snape’s had to Lily, instead he looked like someone off the cover of Witch Weekly or possibly the Quidditch Times.

His hair was still messy, but more artfully so. His nose had straightened, his jaw line become sharper, his lips more full. His shoulders had widened, his waist and hips narrowed. His hazel eyes had darkened and his lashes thickened, turning his stare sultry without the slightest bit of effort.

“How long does this last again, Pads?” James called, practicing a patented charming smile and wink. It was so effective it almost made his own knees wobble.

“Couple of hours, 6 at most.”

James pouted, even that looked good. He looked like troubled love interest on the cover of one of romance novel’s his mum was so fond of.

“Maybe you could make it again.” Peter said, eagerly. “Make enough for all of us.”

“No.” Sirius replied, shortly.

James snorted, as Peter complained, “Why not?”

“I'm not your pet potion maker. Learn how to make it yourself.” Sirius said huffily. “I’m starving, see you in the Great Hall.” 

Peter waited for the tell-tale click of the door closing before mumbling under his breath. “It’s just because he doesn’t need it.”

James laughed at his friend. “Aw come on Wormy, you don’t either.” He said throwing his arm around his friend and stirring them out of the bathroom. As fun as looking at his reflection has been, he really didn’t want to miss the small amount of time he could spend with Sirius before his detention started.

“I do, though.” Peter said sulkily, bending back to try and catch one last glimpse as the exited the bathroom.

The reaction in the Great Hall was even better than in the classroom. James felt all eyes on him from the moment he entered. He strutted down to hall to where Remus and Sirius are seated and slid into his usual spot next to Sirius.

Sirius didn’t look up from his plate of baked vegetables and corned beef as James sat down. James frowned, he had thought Sirius’s abrupt exit was to avoid Peter’s complaints but maybe he was actually really hungry.

Peter sat down across the bench, next to Remus still looking slightly sulky.

“Had enough staring at yourselves, did you?” Remus asked conversationally.

“Nah, but thought it would be rude to keep it to myself, best spread the beauty and all that rot.” James said.

“Ah.” Remus said. “In other words, you wanted others to stare at you.”

“Yep.” James said with a smile, that quickly faded. Sirius was still staring at his food, but he didn’t really seem to be eating so much as stirring it around his plate. Perhaps he was more upset about detention then he originally let on.

“Is this how you always feel, Pads?” James asked trying to draw his attention.

“Hmm?” Sirius asked absentmindedly.

“As the taker of the number one hottest Hogwart’s student. Three years running too.” James continued with a teasing smile.

Sirius gave him exasperated look and James's grin widened. The latest underground listing had only been published a couple of weeks ago and James felt there was still much teasing fodder to be had from it.

“Still not convinced it isn’t you that’s making the list just to humiliate me.” Sirius said with a shake of head.

“I am.” Remus said mildly. “If Prongs was in charge of it, he would be number one for sure.”

“But he has to make it realistic, otherwise no one would take it seriously.” Peter butted in.

James opened his mouth dramatically. “Wormtail! You don’t think I could take the number one spot! I’m wounded.”

Peter jumped as if he just realised what he had said. “Sorry, no I don’t… I didn’t mean…”

“Relax, Wormy, he’s just teasing.” Remus said with a squeeze to his shoulder.

James grinned turning back to Sirius. “Don’t worry. We all know who our very own sexy Byronic hero is.”

Sirius stood abruptly. “And on that note, I am off to clean bedpans.”

James laughed at Sirius’s retreating back.

“Detention again?" Remus asked.

James felt his guilt flare, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, still from the same prank.”

Remus pressed his lips together in what James felt was an unfairly judgemental way.

“Look, I didn’t ask him to take the blame, he just did.”

“I know.” Remus said, returning to his meal.

James huffed feeling annoyed. He let his eyes wonder up the Gryffindor table. Lily was surrounded by the usual group of girls. In the light of the Great Hall she looked even more lovely than she had in the Dungeon.

+++

James delayed as much as possible once they get back to the Common Room. He flirted with Lily for as long as she would allow, adsorbed the attentions of the other girls, played game after game of exploding snap with Peter. But after Remus confiscated the cards saying it was distracting him from homework, James was left with nothing left to keep him in the common room.

James made the slow dreaded journey to their shared dorm. He drew his red curtains and casted a couple of privacy and silencing charms just to be safe.

And then he pulled out his transfiguration essay.

Even with McGonagall’s warning, it was worse than he thought. So bad in fact, he was surprised McGonagall had had the patience to even bother adding red inked corrections at all. James ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He didn’t know how he could possibly turned in something so bad.

And yet, he did know. He remembered blowing off study sessions with Remus and Peter and, even with Sirius, the entire week before it was due. He remembered sneaking off and getting shitfaced at the Hog’s Head with some seventh year Ravenclaws, the night before class barely making it back to the dorms before dawn. He remembered the jolt in his stomach when Remus reminded him the essay was due second period. He then remembered spending half of History of Magic in the bathroom, writing vaguely related nonsense onto a crumped bit of old parchment he had found at the bottom of his bag. He hadn’t even had the original question with him, just knew it was vaguely to do with configuration. He even remembered when he found an old transfiguration essay when digging around his bag for ink and had added a couple of paragraphs from that just to bulk it out a bit. With the only modification to replace the word vanishing with conjuring.

James felt mortified. Despite her strict nature, he had always like McGonagall as a teacher. He had certainly enjoyed impressing her over the years. Her bar was always set so high, so when James had got her to quirk her lips into a smile or favour him with a hard earned ‘ _well done Mr Potter’_ it had always felt like he had accomplished something great. He wondered how he could ever face her again after this.

And then he remembered that McGonagall had told him she had been making allowances all term. James scrambled over his unmade bed and dived into his school trunk. There are piles of essays and papers he hasn’t bothered to file from recent weeks. As he sorted through them, he felt more and more distressed. They may have born a passing mark, an A or sometimes even an E, but they were awful. Stuck through with red pen, untidy, incomprehensible.

It was not only transfiguration either. Its charms, and potions, and history of magic, and ancient runes, and defence. Even his essays for herbology, magical creatures and astrology, which James had always considered rather easy in comparison, were full of mistakes and spelling errors. The kind that would have embarrassed him in his second year, let alone his seventh.

James sat back against his bed, floored.

It hadn’t exactly escaped his attention that he had been drinking possibly more than was wise. Or that he had been putting off studying even more than was typical. It’s just that, well, since his parent’s had told him on that sad grey day after Christmas, that they were suffering from Dragon Pox, a disease which would shorten their lives especially given their age, James had simply done everything he could to stop himself from dwelling on it. And when Remus and Peter, and eventually even Sirius had started to make noises that they needed to stop mucking around and actually study, James had gone out with other people. They were nowhere near as fun, but they got the job done, they were a sufficient distraction.

James buried his head in his arms – he was so fucked.

+++

James pretended to be asleep when Remus and Peter came up to go to bed.

Finally, at quarter to midnight, the door squeaked open again signalling Sirius’s return. James allowed the sounds of Sirius getting ready for bed sooth him. When he heard the sound of the neighbouring bed’s curtains being closed, he made his way over.

“Hey.” James whispered, slipping into through the curtains.

“Hey.” Sirius whispered back from his bed. He shifted, propping himself up against the headboard.

“How was it?”

“Awful, cleaning bed pans again. I don’t know how one school hospital wing can have so many of them, there’s only Bulstrode in there at the moment anyway. I swear Pomfrey must be getting them in from Mungo’s just to torture me.”

James let out a breathy laugh.

“Apparently, I’m with Slughorn tomorrow. So that’s something at least.”

“Yeah.” James replied. He fidgeted with the cuffs of his pyjama shirt feeling awkward. He usually didn’t have any trouble asking for comfort, particularly from Sirius. But tonight, he felt wrung out and too sensitive, and some frightened part of him dreaded being rejected, even when he knew his best friend would never.

“You coming in?” Sirius asked after a moment of awkward silence. His voice was deliberately casual in a way that told James that he had noticed James had been out of sorts. Sirius shifted over before waiting for an answer.

“Yeah.” James said and slipped under the red quilt.

Sirius burrowed back down into the bed, throwing an arm over James’s waist and nuzzling sleepy into his shoulder.

“Back to normal?”

It took James a few moments to understand the reference to their potions lesson that afternoon. It seemed like a lifetime ago he was checking himself out in that dirty bathroom mirror.

“Yep, I think so. Fun while it lasted through.”

“Well, I’m glad. I like you better like this.” Sirius whispered his breath stirring James’s hair. James felt oddly pleased.

+++


	2. The Shrieking Shack

James started the day determined.

He even arrived 10 minutes early to Charms. Flitwick when he arrived soon after, gave him a suspicious look and opened the classroom door hesitantly as if expecting James to have booby-trapped it – which James admitted was probably a fair reaction given his previous behavior.

Once the lesson actually started, however, thing went downhill rather quickly.

“James,” Remus said testily. “Can you stop mucking around and just do the spell? I have too much homework to have to come back after class.”

“Why don’t you just do yours and I’ll do mine next lesson?” James hedged.

Remus looked annoyed but he obliged. He raised his wand and a moment later James was hit with an uncontrollable urge to laugh. It was so incongruous to his miserable mood that he felt sick.

The Tickling Charm. The charm he had been able to do since he was seven, when he had snuck his dad’s wand out of his pocket and made his Aunt Dorea burst out laughing at the midnight church service with his family on Christmas Day.

He couldn’t do it.

Well he couldn’t do it non-verbally and that was just unthinkable. Non-verbal spells may have been coming a little slower to James than they were to Sirius, but half the class had the hang of it now, and the tickling charm was a second-year spell for Merlin’s sake.

“Very good, Mr Lupin. Now, remove the charm.” Flitwick instructed in his high-pitched voice.

Remus slightly narrowed his eyes in concentration and the charm was lifted. James slumped backwards into his chair. With the compulsion to laugh gone he felt like he might cry.

“Good job.” James said instead, plastering on an encouraging smile. “Want to practice again.”

Remus regarded him strangely for a moment, but nonetheless assumed his stance and waved his wand again. In between bouts of magically induced laughter, James sought out a particular head of very familiar hair and for once he was not looking for dark red.

Sirius was standing over the other side of the room watching with detached interest as Peter rolled around on the floor at his feet in fits of rapturous laughter. A flick of his wand and Peter stopped immediately, Peter rolled onto his back breathing heavily. Another easy flick and Peter was roaring with laughter again, tears pouring down his face.

Flitwick, having corrected Marlene’s stance, hurried over to save Peter from more rounds of laughter. 

“Yes, yes, very good Mr Black. I think you have demonstrated your non-verbal spells quite well for now. Let’s allow Mr Pettigrew to have a go.”

Sirius smiled graciously taking his seat and flicking his long hair from his eyes. Peter stood before him turning more and more red in the face as he tried unsuccessfully to turn Sirius’s smile into laughter. Sirius eventually lost patience and James watched as he huffed a sigh before getting up trying to instruct Peter.

As much as James knew Sirius loved Peter, patience had never come easy to him, and James couldn’t help but be briefly amused by Sirius’s strained smile, as he forcefully directed Peter’s wrist in the right movement.

That was, until James realised, that if Flitwick hadn’t made them change partners after they filled the classroom with un-burst-able bubbles a couple of months ago, it would have been James in that position. Suddenly, it was not amusing at all. James couldn’t help but wonder if Sirius would extrude the same air of thinly veiled annoyance, or use the same exasperated voice, if he was instructing James.

James’s thoughts were rudely interrupted as he abruptly erupted into a powerful round of unexpected laughter.

“Remus, mate, I think you’ve got it.” James panted as soon as he had control over his vocal cords back.

“Oh,” Remus snarked. “So, you’ve finally decided to participate in this class yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah.” James said standing up.

It was a hard slog, but eventually forced a giggle out of Remus. On the way out of class he weakly joked that as Remus wasn’t capable of enjoyment that’s quite an accomplishment. Remus responded with another probing look.

+++

Herbology was even worse. Sirius actually tackled him to the ground when James failed to notice the barbed vines of the Venomous Tentacula coming straight for his head.

In ancient runes, he was so unable to concentrate he gave up completely and resorted to copying translations directly from Sirius’s work.

By lunchtime, James wished he could just sink into a hole and die. Not even his favourite lunch of Sheppard’s pie was able to make up for the shitty day he was having.

+++

It was freezing as they trudged across the lawn to Magical Creatures in the afternoon.

With the lake frozen over, Professor Grubby-Plank informed the class their scheduled lesson on merepeople had been postponed and led them to a colony of bowtruckles at the edge of the forest instead. After a brief lecture on the creatures, which was mostly a re-cap of previous years’ lessons, Grubby Plank set the class to sketching.

The marauders sat down in a semi-circle around a small bowtruckle family at the edge of the clearing.

James couldn’t help but smile as the bowtruckles started to move toward Sirius almost instantly. At first, they approached haltingly, but quickly they gained in confidence climbing up his arms and the youngest going as far as to borrow his quill to play with.

Although, all three Animagus had experienced a strange upsurge in their connection to magical creatures following their successful transformations. And Remus had always had a special ability to communicate with creatures consider by the wider wizarding community to be 'dark'. Sirius had had a particular affinity to animals, both magical and non-magical, even before his transformation and that link seemed to have only grown with time.

“Padfoot, can you get the little one to hold still?” Peter said, re-angling his parchment frustratedly as the youngest bowtruckle pranced around Sirius waving the feathered end of the quill.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “They're wild animals, Wormtail. I’m not actually able to control them.”

“You could at least try.” Wormtail grumbled.

James smiled at his friends’ antics, his own quill moving steadily across the page.

“Ah, I think we were instructed to sketch bowtruckles.” Remus said, lightly while peering over James's shoulder.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Really? Because from here, that mostly looks like a sketch of Sirius, with the odd bowtruckle thrown in?” Remus said flicking the edge of James’s parchment.

James flushed, pulling his picture away. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re not the Care of Magical Creature’s professor then, isn’t it?”

Remus gave him an unimpressed look.

“Can I see?” Sirius said, eagerly. He slowly reached out his left hand careful not to disturb the elder bowtruckle perched on his shoulder.

“Yeah, alright.” James said, aiming for confident nonchalance in his tone.

Sirius was silent as he studied the image. As James re-examined it upside down, he now had to admit maybe Remus had had a point. It was a touch too focused on Sirius and not quite enough on the magical creatures surrounding him.

“It’s not quite finished.” James added after a moment, feeling self-conscious.

“It’s brilliant.” Sirius said with a dazzling smile. “Do you mind if I make a copy?”

“Er, sure.” James said, feeling oddly proud.

Sirius grinned and managed to coax the bowtruckle into giving back his quill which he charmed to sketch out an exact copy.

“Can’t control them, my arse.” Peter muttered under his breath.

When James noticed at the end of the lesson that Sirius slipped the original into his pocket and handed over the copy for James to give to Grubby-Plank, he didn’t comment.

+++

James’s last period was free. Sirius said goodbye to him in the entrance hall, before trudging off the Divination, the only class they didn’t share. Instead of going flying like he usually would, James decided to seek out Remus and Peter. As expected, they were in the library pouring over piles of thick books.

“Hey.” James said, pulling over a nearby chair.

“Hello.” Remus said.

They both looked at him expectantly.

James frowned. “Can I study with you guys?”

Remus looked unfairly surprised.

 _Surely it hasn’t been that long_ , James couldn’t help but think.

“Yes, of course.”

Peter looked thrilled and quickly started shifting books and piles of parchment to clear James some space on the table.

James started on his transfiguration essay.

He did know conjuration, in practice, but it turned out the magical theory was not nearly as clear to him as he originally thought. It took him much longer than he expected to read through the relevant sections of the textbook and pull out the appropriate details. By the time he was finished and the three of them trudged into the Great Hall, Sirius had already headed off to detention. James swallowed down his meal with bitter disappointment.

After dinner, the three of them retired to the common room for yet more work. With great reluctance James made a start on his potions essay. Almost immediately he was reminded as to why he hated potions.

Leaning back in his chair, James groaned frustratedly, interrupting Remus’s explanation of the non-verbal Tickling Charm to which Peter was listening with rapt attention.

“You two wouldn’t happen to have a stash of fire whiskey? I can’t believe how boring this is.”

Remus gave him a withering look in response.

“It was a joke.” James shot back, annoyed.

+++

It was 10 pm, and James’s brain felt like it might ooze out his ears. He, Remus and Peter had done a three way swap to proof read and correct each other’s essays. James was in the process of lazily reading through Peter’s filled with tiny, cramped letters, when Sirius finally came through the portrait door.

“How was detention?” Peter asked.

“Ugh.” Sirius said, falling dramatically onto James’s couch, his head dropping into James’s lap. “I must dusted a thousand potions bottles. I swear Sluggy never throws anything out.”

James grinned down at him. “Still, got to be better than bedpan duty.”

“Barely.” Sirius said sulkily. “What are you all doing anyway?”

“Homework.” Remus said not looking up from the parchment. James’s eyes were caught by the quick tap of Remus’s wand on James’s essay. Was it just James or was he making a lot of corrections? James squirmed uncomfortably trying to push away his anxious thoughts. 

“Ugh.” Sirius said again, turning his face more fully into James’s stomach. Absentmindedly James dropped a hand into Sirius’s hair, it was soft, even softer in fact than James’s on the day he drunk the Beautification Potion.

At Remus’s stern look, James turned back to the essay he was supposed to be correcting. Somehow the rest of the evening went fairly well. Even working on potions homework seemed much less dismal with Sirius curled up in his lap.

+++

It was with no small amount of trepidation that he handed in his transfiguration essay the next morning. James found himself unable to meet McGonagall’s eye as he dropped the parchment on her desk.

Thankfully the practical lesson that followed was a revision of the previous week and James easily conjured the bevy of swans as instructed.

The rest of the day, however, was not as great.

While James was relieved to find that he hadn’t lost all his magical talent, it was now very clear to him that he was very behind. He struggled through Defence and he found himself completely lost in History of Magic.

James took a break from trying to pick up the thread of their History of Magic lesson to watch Sirius next to him. Sirius was playing with his quill again, its feathered tail twisting around and around in his clever long fingers. Everything about him from his fluid posture to his head resting on his hand said, relaxed, lazy, inattentive. But every now and again he stopped twirling to jolt down some fact or date. _Not so inattentive then._

The feeling that choked James, was both sudden and overwhelming. _That used to be him too_. James looked away, filled with a feeling that was less akin jealousy and more like grief.

A part of him wondered why he hadn’t confided in Sirius about any of this. Despite his worries, James knew that Sirius wouldn’t laugh or be cruel. He would help, in fact he’d probably be able to help James far more than Peter and Remus, despite their best intentions. James had always learnt far more similarly to Sirius than to the other two.

But then James remembered earlier in Defence. Sirius had been yelled at for banishing the Banshee too thoroughly, leading to an early end of lesson when the professor couldn’t get the Banshee back for the other students to practice on. James remembered the way he had rolled his eyes once the teacher’s back was turned and sought out James’s eyes as if James was the only one who could possibly understand, the only one on the same level. The idea of giving that up, even temporarily, tore James apart. That deep understanding, that intrinsic similarity, was the bedrock on which James’s most important friendship was built and James would protect it with his life.

James directed his attention back to Binns with a renewed sense of determination.

+++

James was going hex someone.

“What the fuck was that, Paddington?” He bellowed, as the quaffle flew past a good three feet in front of him dropping in a steady arc to the ground.

“Sorry Potter.” The burley sixth said sheepishly, zooming down to collect the ball.

“Well, _sorry_ is not going to cut it when we lose the cup due to your inaptitude.” James shouted. “Try again.”

They had been doing the same drill for hours, and it far from improving, they were somehow getting worse.

James ground his teeth as the three chasers took their starting positions again. They got further this time. Half way across the pitch James jerked his broom handle to bring it into a spin intending to catch the quaffle on the downswing while avoiding the bludger being hurled at him by Avery. It would have worked too, if only his broom hadn’t suddenly and inexplicably listed to the left.

Two things happened simultaneously, James’s outstretched hand just missed capturing the quaffle and then his right shoulder was hit with bone crunching impact. The pain was excruciating. James was barely able to keep himself from fainting right out of the sky.

“Oh Merlin. Sorry Potter, I thought you had that.” Avery was blathering. Following James in his awkward decent to the ground.

James set his jaw against the abuse he wanted to hurl at his stupid beater. If Sirius had been here this wouldn’t have happened, Sirius had finesse. But he really was starting to feel light headed with pain and decided maybe yelling wasn’t a good idea, at least not until he was on solid ground.

Master Spinner who was required to monitor their training sessions was already present with the med kit when he touched the ground.

“Let’s have a look, Potter.” Master Spinner was saying, shifting James’s robes off his shoulder.

James hissed in pain as the movement jolted his injury. 

“Just a dislocation I should think. Here for the pain.”

James swallowed down the pain potion. But it wasn’t nearly enough to fully dull the sharp ache of the Master Spinner jolting the shoulder back into its socket.

“Now, you should get that checked over by Madam Pomfrey. I think maybe we call practice for today, hmm?”

“Whatever.” James said.

James didn’t bother debriefing the team or even saying goodbye, he simply marched off the pitch in anger. The minute after he was showered, James took off, not in the direction of the bright castle lights but toward the dark forest. He transformed as soon as he was hidden by the trees taking off at a gallop. Leaves were crushed under his hooves, saplings stripped by his antlers. Breathing hard, James felt himself begin to calm. It felt like it had been ages since his last run, but it had only just over two weeks since Remus’s last transformation.

James padded around for a while, sticking his muzzle into interesting holes in the patchy snow, before heading off to the shack. Transforming back James slid in though one of the larger gaps in the boarded windows.

He dug around in the filthy kitchen and smiled when he found his prize. An half empty bottle of fire whiskey. The Marauders' emergency supply.

He settled himself on the threadbare couch and cracked the lid. Usually, he would transfigure the couch into a more comfortable less lumpy bed, but he really didn’t want to see if he had lost the ability to do that too.

+++

Something was vibrating. James shifted. His pocket was vibrating. James frowned, his mind slow with too much fire whiskey. _The mirror_ , James remembered, slipping the item out of his pocket.

“Prongs.” Sirius said. “Just finished detention. Where are you?”

“Shrieking shack.” James said with a grin.

“Have you been drinking?”

James laughed. “Found our emergency supply.”

Sirius tilted his head. “Thought you had quidditch practice tonight?”

James’s mood soured. “I did. It was fucking awful. It’s always awful when you’re not there.”

Sirius gave him a fond look. “You’re such a sweet drunk.”

James laughed. “Only to you.”

Sirius shrugged.

“You should come.” James said suddenly greatly enthused by the idea.

Sirius bit his lip. He did look tired James noted. But before James could say anything else, he was nodding. “Alright.”

“Bring the rest of the emergency supply.” James said before he disappeared, dangling the nearly empty bottle in front of the mirror.

Sirius gave him one last amused look and he was gone.

+++

It seemed like no time at all had passed between Sirius disappearing in the mirror and him appearing through the entrance of the Whomping Willow tunnel. Sirius flopped on the couch next to James, passing over the fresh bottle.

“You’re the best.” James slurred happily.

Sirius gave the couch they were sitting on a dirty look. “How can you stand this?”

In a moment they were laying on a much more comfortable mattress.

“Better.” James said.

“Much.” Sirius agreed.

James struggled with the bottle top, until Sirius took over.

“So, are you going to tell me what brought this on?” Sirius said, finally getting the blasted cap off and passing it to James.

James groaned throwing his head back onto the soft conjured cushions now littering the mattress.

“We were practicing the Hohmann Manoeuvre, you know the one Puddlemere have been using all season and it was just awful. I swear they are getting worse instead of better.”

Sirius gave a sympathetic hum, accepting the bottle when James passed it over.

“And then my fucking broom did that thing, you know the one where it randomly jerks to the left and Avery caught me in the shoulder with a fucking bludger.”

Sirius cringed. “You alright?”

“Just dislocated, it hurt like bombarda though.” James took the bottle back and took another mouthful. “Wouldn’t have happened if you were there. You can actually aim.”

Sirius laughed. “To be fair, if he hit you his aim must have been pretty spot on.”

James scowled. “He only hit me because my fucking broom is a wreck. It hasn’t been the same since that bludger hit it that match against Ravenclaw. I kept dropping hints before Christmas but Mum and Dad just got me that gobstones set instead.”

Immediately James felt guilty. His parents probably hadn’t had a lot of time to look into presents for Christmas being unwell as they were. Sirius didn’t call him on it though, silently taking the bottle back.

“How was detention?” James asked not wanting to dwell on his parents’ illness.

“Boring. I was with Slughorn again. He regaled me with all these stories of _great Black family members through the ages._ ” Sirius says in a mocking imitation of Slughorn’s reedy voice. “As if I hadn’t heard them all three thousand times before in that fucking house.”

Sirius glared darkly at the ceiling.

James couldn’t help but smile at Sirius reaction. “He does know you’ve been disowned, right?”

Sirius scoffed. “When I reminded him, he then launched into a hundred more stories of great disowned Blacks.”

James laughed. “Aw poor inkle Sirius Black. Must be so hard being descended to so many illustrious witches and wizards. How ever will you cope?”

Sirius barked a loud laugh, his dark expression disappearing. “Like you can talk Mr James Potter.”

James drunk in Sirius’s amused expression. If Moony and Wormtail were here, they would have called them on being pureblood snobs by now. James kind of loved that they weren’t.

“Here you need to catch up.” James insisted pressing the bottle back into Sirius’s hand.

“I really don’t.” Sirius said. “I’m afraid if I have any more, I might just fall asleep.”

“Yeah.” James said, running an eye over his friend. “You do look tired.”

“Gee, thanks mate.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, you wanker.” James said, bumping their shoulders together.

Sirius shot him a smile. “We also have school tomorrow.”

James felt guilt crawl up underneath the heavy alcoholic daze.

“And I figure one of us should be alert enough to say, push the other out of the way of a Venomous Tentacula, as a completely unrelated example.” Sirius continued.

James mouth dropped open. “I can’t believe you brought that up! You dick.”

“What’s the point of saving your life if I don’t get to lord it over you for at least a ….”

Sirius sentence cut off as James launched at him. Suddenly they were wrestling. James’s still healing shoulder gave a painful thud as Sirius pinned him embarrassingly quickly.

“That’s not fair! You haven’t had nearly as much as I have.” James complained.

Sirius gave him a winning smile. “Not my fault you made it easy for me.”

Gazing up at Sirius, his silky dark hair framing his face, James found he actually wasn’t all that put out. James shifted and was suddenly aware of Sirius’s thighs framing his hips, arms bracketing James’s shoulders. Sirius’s red and gold stripped tie hung between them, an open invitation, James could so easily pull him down. He felt a familiar heat pool his stomach.

“You really should have more to drink.” James heard himself say, his voice had gone soft and persuasive.

Above him, Sirius tilted his head. “Why?”

James shifted again. They weren’t touching anywhere, but James imagined he could feel the heat radiating from Sirius all along his body.

“Ah.” James said, licking his suddenly dry lips. “Well, it’s not really a drunken snog if only one of us is drunk, is it?”

Sirius’s face flicked through a number of unreadable expressions before settling on an unfairly attractive smile. “Well, as the non-drunk party, I really don’t mind.”

James blinked. “Really?”

Sirius didn’t bother answering, his eyes darted to James’s lips his intention clear even to James’s slow mind. He lowered himself so torturously slowly, that James lost patience half way through and yanked on his tie to crash their lips together.

Sirius’s lips were heavenly against his, cool and plush, James shoved his tongue between them. Sirius retaliated by biting on his bottom lip. James moaned uninhibitedly. James shifted his hips again, his pants were both too restrictive and yet not tight enough. Sirius was still mostly hovering above him and James really wanted to yank his hips down as he had his face, but a small responsible part of his mind was annoyingly persistent in reminding him that dry humping was not in the spirit of drunken friendly snogs.

James compromised by shoving Sirius off him. Sirius allowed himself to be rolled over onto his back, James followed chasing after him. Sirius laughed playfully as James pressed him down into the mattress and started to attack his neck, biting, licking and kissing, working his way back up to his face. 

Now on his stomach, James rolled his hips against the mattress, it was not nearly enough, but the slight teasing friction of his pants felt amazing against his achingly hard dick. James breathed heavily into Sirius jaw line, pressing his forehead against Sirius’s. Suddenly Sirius’s hand was then at the back of his head, knitting through his hair, dragging him back his lips. James rolled his hips again, his eyes failing closed he gasped brokenly against Sirius’s lips. James forced his eyes to reopen, Sirius’s dark eyes were studying him, alight with playfulness and something else, something that James had only glimpsed in passing. Sirius knocked their noses together. James captured Sirius’s lips again.

He was close, he realised, too close. With a monstrous amount of willpower, James stilled his hips. Coming in his pants was certainly not in the spirit of drunken friendly snogs. James tried to pull back from Sirius’s mouth as well, Sirius momentary tightened his grip in James’s hair and for a wild moment James thought he might not let him pull away. When his grip finally did release, James couldn’t decide if he was relieved or not.

James flopped back onto the conjured mattress, grateful, not for the first time, for voluminosity of his robes and their ability to hide all manner of sins. His breathing gradually returned to normal.

“When did you get so good at that?” James said finally, turning his head to regard his friend.

Sirius gave him a strange look. “We’ve had a bit of practice recently.”

“Right.” James said, returning his gaze to the ceiling. He felt an uncomfortable squirming feeling in his stomach but was not sure why.

Since fourth year and a tipsy game of spin the bottle, it wasn’t unusual for James and Sirius to have a bit of a snog after drinking. Originally, it had been reserved for shock value or for dares. But as the years went on and their access to alcohol became freer, they ended up snogging in private just as much as they did publicly. James who had always enjoyed the closeness and easy intimacy of their friendship, saw it as an extension of their connection the same way their pranking and magical ingenuity was. Sirius wasn’t wrong through, more recently, with James increased partying they had been going at it considerably more than normal.

Sirius was quiet, so quiet that for a moment James was almost convinced he must have gone to sleep as he had threatened earlier, but when he looked over to check Sirius was staring blankly at the ceiling.

“Guess we should get back the castle. It’d be pretty crap to fall asleep here.”

“Mmm.” Sirius said noncommittedly in return, but he pushed himself up and off the mattress, so James took accepted the response as a yes.

James was happy to see Sirius had the foresight to bring the map, it made sneaking back into the castle a piece of cake.

James eagerly climbed the stair leading to their dorm, he wished Sirius a hasty good night before closing his curtains and casting a number of privacy spells familiar to any magical teenage boy or girl who had ever had to sleep in a dorm. He didn’t even bother taking his clothes off, instead he flopped back onto his bed squeezing himself through his trousers and feeling almost lightheaded with arousal. Once, he had the fly of his trousers open and a hand around his straining dick, it didn’t take long. He pumped his hand, his mind swirling, drifting between Sirius slowly bearing down on him, his arms caging him in, and Lily laughing, hair cascading down her back. His toes curled and he groaned deeply as he spilt over his hand, panting heavily.

+++

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. Just a quick note to say that I have slightly edited this chapter adding a small scene just to add to story cohesion with later chapters. Serves me right for posting the first couple of chapters before completely outlining the story, haha, but the story is fully outlined now so further chapters shouldn't need editing after posting.  
> Thanks again to everyone who has been reading, giving kudos and commenting, I really appreciate it!!


	3. The Quidditch Game

James felt like death itself the next morning. He only just made it the Great Hall in time to grab some toast. But even that was too heavy for his sensitive stomach.

Sirius gave him a sympathetic look as he sat down heavily at their regular table in Ancient Runes.

The day passed in a blur of poor spell casting and emergency trips to the bathroom. By the end of the day James had sworn off fire whiskey for the foreseeable future.

As he sat down for dinner he was feeling slightly more himself. Mostly because Sirius had managed to sneak him a pep up potion. Merlin knows where he had got it from, the Marauder’s stash had been empty since James raided it a weeks ago. Despite the potion, he was still looking forward to a nice long sleep when Remus ruined all his hopes and dreams by reminding him of the prefects meeting that evening. James buried his head in his arms, thinking that things must really be dire if not even the thought of spending the evening with Lily could cheer him.

+++

“Evans.” James nodded in greeting as they met in the corridor outside the prefects meeting room.

“Potter.” Lily responded with a playful smile that sent James’s heart racing.

“Come on, James.” Remus said tiredly pulling him into the room.

Lily laughed and followed.

It is a fairly short meeting. By second term everyone had a pretty good handle on what their responsibilities were. James and Lily lead the group through a couple of reports, some instructions from Dumbledore about a particularly nasty wraith lurking on the fourth floor that they were all to keep an eye out for. James and Lily then passed out the following weeks patrol roster. 

As the prefects packed up and started to move out the door Lily turned to James with a smile.

“I feel like I’ve hardly seen you this week.”

James blinked. “Er, yeah, been trying to catch up on homework.” He ran a hand through his hair feeling slightly caught off guard by his own honesty.

Lily sighed. “Yes, I know what you mean. It’s been exhausting. At least it’s the weekend now. Although you have a quidditch match, don’t you?”

“Yeah, against Hufflepuff. You coming?” James asked, hoping he sounded more casual than he felt.

“Yes, of course.” Lily said with a smile. “I’ll see you then.”

“Sounds good.” James said. He smiled the whole way back the common room, even with Remus scoffing at him every few minutes.

+++

The morning of the quidditch match dawned with ominous rolling thunderclouds.

Through the usual excitement of quidditch, James felt a strange sense of unease. He had played a lot of games through storms in the past, but he still felt as if the poor weather on this particular day was a bad omen.

Sirius walked with him down Great Hall for an early breakfast, neither of them sleeping well before the match. The Gryffindor table was all but deserted when they reached it. In quiet voices they debated last minute tactics and offered each other soft words of encouragement over eggs they toyed with more than ate.

Shortly after they are joined by Remus and Peter, it was time to go down to the pitch. Remus, Peter and surprisingly Lily wished them luck as they got up to leave.

Sirius disappeared back to the common room to pick up both their robes and brooms, giving James some extra time down at the pitch to assess the impact of the current weather conditions.

So focused on running through strategies in his head, James didn’t even notice his parents until they were right in front of him.

“James!” Euphermia exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him.

“Mum.” James replied, his voice muffled by her hug.

As soon as she pulled away, she was replaced by Fleamont.

“All prepared for the big game?” Fleamont asked, pulling back.

James shrugged still feeling nervous. “Best we can be I guess.”

“You’ll do wonderful, darling.” Euphermia said encouragingly.

James barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. His parents knew very little about quidditch, but it was nice, he guessed, how supportive they were, even if it got on his nerves sometimes.

“Thanks Mum.” James said.

Fleamont cleared his throat looking awkward for a moment. “We were also hoping to have a bit of a chat with you after the match.”

James’s heart sunk as he had a horrible realisation.

Receiving a Dreadful grade or lower in a NEWT class didn’t only mean the assignment had to be resubmitted, it also meant the guardians of the student receiving the mark would be informed. James had completely forgotten this, as, until this year, it had never been an issue for him.

“Right.” James said thickly. “After the match.”

Euphermia gave him a worried smile. “We just want to…”

“I’ll find you after the match.” James interrupted, walking quickly away and down the hall.

The wind and rain hit him the minute he was out of the castle. James took a bracing breath and tried to refocus on quidditch and not the fact that he had dreadfully disappointed his parents.

+++

From the minute the starting whistle was blown, barely audible as it was over the howling wind, the game was a mess.

James almost immediately abandoned any strategies he had in place, in favour of just trying to fight though the pouring rain himself and ignoring his useless fellow chasers.

Acting as the solo chaser, James managed the keep the score fairly even. That is until the Hufflepuff beaters gave up on trying to get past Sirius with bludgers and rammed directly into the Gryffindor keeper instead, taking him out with a massive foul. With their regular keeper down, the Gryffindor team lost ground fast. In the end the only thing that saved them was Sirius taking out the Hufflepuff seeker just before he made the catch, leaving the pathway open for the Gryffindor seeker to catch the snitch and put an end to the miserable game.

James hit the ground with a thud. He ignored the cheering crowd and his celebrating teammates and made directly for the showers.

His parents’ cornered him the minute he left the changing room. Conscious of that fact that Sirius was only feet away in the changing room and his other friends were likely still in the stands, James directed his parents to the edge of the Forbidden Forest and safely out of earshot before he allowed them say their piece.

They were kind, because, of course the they are. More worried than angry. But the truth was James could still see the disappointment in their usually proud eyes. He was unsure how much McGonagall had told them, but judging by the sadness in their expressions she had at the very least told them about his drinking and possibly his attempt to pass it all off on their illness.

James felt completely wretched by the end of the conversation. He had been in trouble a lot in his young life, but this is the first time he felt he had truly failed his parents.

James tried to say goodbye the minute the conversation was over, right there at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, but his parents insisted on going to the Gryffindor Common Room and seeing Sirius before they left. The trio were unnaturally silent on the walk back to the castle and James felt an immense sense of relief when he caught Sirius waiting for him lazing against the entrance door.

James tuned out his parents’ greetings and congratulations to Sirius. Possibly sensing James’s hostile mood, they didn’t stay long. The minute they were gone, James dragged Sirius up to the common room desperate for a drink to take his mind of this awful day.

+++

James lasted just over half an hour at the Gryffindor Towel post-match celebration. Just enough time to smile falsely at his housemates and down two large cups of the Remus’s very strong mystery punch. Not even the tight blue dress Lily had donned for occasion was enough to entice him to stay, especially after his fellow teammates begun to give speeches.

James left quickly, his footsteps uneven as exited the Gryffindor Common Room and marched down the corridor. Stopping abruptly, he turned to the empty wall opposite the portrait of the Drunken Monk. He fumbled as he extracted his wand from his pocket, taping the wall in an exacting motion and stepped through the door that materialised.

The small room that James entered was nothing much, just a small private alcove with a large window and stone window seat. However, it was close enough to the common room that it made the ideal place to hide given James hadn’t brough the map or his cloak and wasn’t all that confident in his ability to evade Filch without them given the amount of alcohol in his system. And best of all, James thought as he settled against the window, it didn’t overlook the quidditch pitch.

James pressed his alcohol-warmed face to the window, watching as the rain dribbled down the outside glass.

Sirius found him almost immediately. He gave James a half smile, handed over another cup of punch and sat on the window seat resting his back against the opposite wall to James and folding his long legs onto the bench between them.

“Alright?” Sirius asked.

James snorted humourlessly. “What do you think?”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

James reminded himself that Sirius didn’t know about the conversation he had had with his parents after.

He let out a frustrated growl. “You were right, I should have just dumped everyone from last year’s team and held open try outs after the last match.”

Sirius pressed his lips to together.

James closed his eyes, trying to let the floaty feeling of the alcohol in his blood calm him.

“There were bound to be scouts out there.” James said finally.

“Maybe. If there were, you came out well.”

“As a chaser, not as a captain.” James's eyes snapped open. “Wait, you don’t think that they would have thought I purposely sabotaged the team to make me look good?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Prongs, nobody in their right mind is going to think that. They know we are just students and those were rough conditions even for pros. I think you are just being overly paranoid.”

“Yeah, maybe.” James admitted, seeing the logic to Sirius’s statement.

The boys sat in silence as the rain patted against the glass windows.

James took another deep drink.

“Well one thing is for certain, you saved out butts out there.” James said, sliding his eyes back to his friend.

Sirius gave him a small smile. “I don’t think I can take all the credit. You were certainly holding up your side of the field.”

Sirius’s gaze returned to the looking out the window, while James lingered on his friend, tracing the familiar sharp facial features. Sirius’s dark hair, still damp from his shower after the match, partially obscured his face, but James easily filled in the blanks, Sirius’s aristocratic bone structure was almost more familiar than his own.

In the soft diffused light, Sirius looked like something out of a magazine. James felt a pulse of want flood through him.

“You ever considered modelling, Padfoot?” James blurted out.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a rotten flirt when you drink?” Sirius shot back.

James grinned starting to feel more himself. “No, actually.”

“Well, you are.” Sirius said, his eyes still fixed to the forest beyond the glass, but the slight twitch of the corner of his lip gave his amusement away.

James grinned pushing himself from the window sill and approaching. “They have told me I’m awfully handsy when tipsy though.”

Sirius finally looked up as James came to a stop immediately in front of him.

“Is that so?” Sirius breathed.

James swayed forward entranced, Sirius looked even more beautiful with his pupils blown wide and a soft flush rising in his cheeks.

“Yeah?” James responded, even as he was not sure what he was agreeing to, the thread of their conversation deserting him.

Sirius tilted his head, amusement dancing in his eyes alongside the arousal, it was this heady combination of James’s favourite expressions on Sirius’s face that spurred him on.

James pitched forward capturing Sirius’s lips. The kiss was slow but thorough, James let his eyes fall closed focusing on the sensation. Warmth spreading through him, James pressed down harder. Using one hand to cup Sirius’s jaw the other becoming caught in Sirius’s long dark hair. Sirius responded with a soft moan that set James’s blood alight.

Suddenly, Sirius surged up from the seat. James let himself be swept back as Sirius’s kisses became more demanding. Sirius pushed him steadily backwards until James’s back hit the door with a dull thud, hands slamming either side of James’s shoulders as he used his angle to plunder James’s mouth more aggressively.

Arousal building, James’s could no longer tolerate the inches of air Sirius had dutifully kept between their bodies them as per some long held unspoken agreement. The usual sensible warning voice in James’s head had shrunk to a small whisper in the face of his pulse thundering, making it all too easy to ignore. James reached around grabbing Sirius’s arse and bringing their bodies into delicious alignment.

Sirius wasted no time, slipping a thigh between James’s and baring down. Already highly sensitised for the snogging and the alcohol, James felt like he might pass out from the heady pleasure of it all.

“Fuck.” James groaned, his head dropping to Sirius’s shoulder.

“Good, yeah?” Sirius’s voice was rough.

James couldn’t find the words to answer, responding instead by pulling Sirius’s hips forward again. They both shuddered with pleasure. James rested their foreheads together, panting too heavily to continue kissing, as Sirius’s relentless grinding brought him closer and closer.

It could have been a few minutes, or an age, before James could no longer prevent himself from tipping over the edge. Pleasure exploded through him, from the tips of his fingers to the ends of his toes.

James only just managed to gather his senses before Sirius followed him with a almost silent gasp. James drunk hungrily from the image of Sirius’s head thrown back in pleasure, neck exposed, eyes half closed.

Sirius all but collapsed against him, his head falling forward into James’s neck. Feeling weak kneed and comfortably tired, James relaxed contently against the door. He brought a hand up to card gently through Sirius’s soft hair as the other ran down his back. Sirius made a soft sound against his neck nuzzling in further. Heart beat slowly returning to normal, James could not remember the last time he had felt so effortlessly content and relaxed.

+++

James woke up to a loud clatter.

“Mmm.” James complained incoherently, pushing his face further into his pillow in order to ineffectually block out the noise.

“Sorry guys.” Wormtail’s weedy voice came from somewhere to his left.

“Just shut up, Wormy.” Sirius growled. James flinched at loud voice so close to his left ear.

This was followed by the soft click of a door closing signalled Wormtail had left the dormitory.

“Sorry.” Sirius muttered at a more reasonable volume.

“It’s al’igh’.” James mumbled.

James took one last deep breath into his pillow.

For a moment, still half consumed by sleep he allowed his mind’s eye drift back over the previous night. He couldn’t help but smile as heat poured through him. Although James had kissed a few different girls over the years, between pining for Lily and his moments with Sirius, James hadn’t actually gone any further the snogging. But based on last night, the other boys had been completely right, getting off with someone else was so much better than getting off on your own.

James was jolted out of his thoughts as the body beside him moved. He groped for his glasses on the bedside table dislodging a stack of books in the process. Vision restored, James retrieved the books from the floor. He couldn’t help a brief snigger at some of the titles, _Aviation Charms for those Born without Feathers_ and _The_ _Regulation of Flying Objects Since the Instatement of the Statue of Security._ Sirius had always had the strangest taste in literature. 

James turned his head to regard his bedmate.

“What in Merlin’s name are you reading?” James teased.

Sirius shrugged. His hair was artfully mused from his pillow and his face still soft from sleep, but although he was affecting an air of indifference, James could see the worry in his dark eyes and his clenched jaw.

“You alright?” James asked, turning his body fully and suddenly feeling alert.

“Yeah, of course.” Sirius answered quickly. “You?” He followed tentatively.

James frowned. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Sirius huffed out a laugh, that didn’t sound completely happy. “No reason at all.” He sat up and started picking through the piles of clothes on the floor.

James sat up against the headboard, watching in confusion as Sirius selected a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that James through might be his, and dressed roughly, musing his hair even further.

“You sure you're ok?” James asked again.

“Yep.” Sirius said, turning back, his smile not as bright as usual, but James judged it to be genuine.

“Alright.” James said, still not entirely convinced.

After James also dressed, they walked down to breakfast together.

James was thankful that Sirius’s strange mood seemed to evaporate as the day progressed. Even if James felt that Sirius was watching him more closely than normal.


	4. The Gift

A few weeks later, Sirius and James trudged down the corridor early on a Saturday morning. The Potter’s managed to get him and Sirius special dispensation to come home on the weekend of James’s seventeenth birthday. Peter and Remus had also been invited but were too snowed under in assignments to spare an entire weekend. Truthfully, James was probably in the same boat, but he pushed the thought out of his head as McGonagall escorted the two boys to her office to use the connected floo network there.

For the first time since he started at Hogwarts, James could truly say he was relieved to be leaving school grounds.

“I will see you bright and early Monday morning.” McGonagall reminded them sternly.

“Yes, Professor.” Sirius and James replied simultaneously.

McGonagall’s face softened. “Have a good birthday, Potter.”

In a swirl of green flame McGonagall’s office disappeared. James stumbled out into the Potter living room, followed almost immediately by Sirius.

James was quickly drawn into a hug from his mum. He bent to press his head into the crook of her neck, he breathed in her familiar perfume. He had been distracted when he had last seen them at Hogwarts, but now he could not help but notice how bony and fragile she felt in his arms.

“Lovely to see you, dear.” She said pulling back.

“And you too.” She said pulling Sirius into a hug.

James barely had a moment to enjoy the contented smile on Sirius’s face before he was being pulled into his own embrace by his dad.

“Good to see you, son.”

Greetings over, they chattered for a bit in the living room. Before long Fleamont was pulling Sirius away, muttering about a new potion he had been working on. Sirius shot James a quick apologetic look over his shoulder, before trudging down to the basement.

James had the strange feeling that he should be jealous, but he really wasn’t. James knew his father had once had vague ideas of him taking over the family potions laboratory, but when James had come home that first year with a firmly average mark in potions, Fleamont had taken it in his stride, and James had never felt pressured, or like a disappointment. When Sirius had started spending more time with the Potters, as his relationship with his own family deteriorated, Fleamont had seen in Sirius the potioneering mind that he had once hoped to instil in James. He knew both Sirius and his father had been worried that this would make James feel left out or replaced, but strangely, despite being an only child and jealously guarding his parents attention as a child, James had never felt jealous of his parents’ relationship with Sirius, even when it involved aspects that he had never had himself. All he felt when he saw Sirius interact with his parents was happiness, that even though Sirius had been born into a horrible family, at least he now had the Potters to make up for it.

His mum shook her head. “Honestly, home three minutes and already to the potions lab.”

James grinned at her.

“Actually, speaking of, I have something to show you in my workshop.”

James eagerly followed his mother out the back door to the large cluttered shed in the back garden.

Euphermia was a keen amateur magical historian, she especially enjoyed ancient magical items. It was Euphermia who had first impressed upon James the importance of magical artefacts, how they were one of the most lasting contributions a magical being could make on this world. James and Sirius had certainly taken Euphermia enthusiasm for the subject on during their years at Hogwarts, with the Marauder’s creation of the map in fifth year and their development of the mirrors in their sixth.

“Sirius was kind enough to allow me to have a look around his uncle’s possessions. Quite fascinating, I must say. I borrowed some to study. I will return them of course.”

“I’m sure Sirius won’t mind if you keep them.” James said, knowing Sirius’s current feelings on his family and anything related to them. “It probably better if you don’t want them thrown out, actually.”

Euphermia pursed her lips. “Well, I hope Sirius can one day separate his vast family legacy from a few bad eggs.”

 _Not bloody likely_ , James thought but didn’t voice.

Euphermia beckoned him over to a dark corner. James blinked.

“Is that…?”

Euphermia nodded. “Yes, amazing isn’t it? _Carnwennan_ , King Arthur’s dagger.”

It wasn’t much to look. The blade black was notched and fragile looking. The emerald and rubies in the hilt were dulled with age. But James could feel the powerful magical energy radiating off it.

“Wow.” James breathed. Drawing closer, he gently ran one finger over its length, the magic seemed to sing to him.

“And this.” Euphermia said leading him over too an ancient looking book. It was tiny, the cover encrusted with sparkling emeralds.

James frowned, running a finger down its spine. This too was imbued with a strong magic, but a different kind. James carefully opened the cover, he jolted back.

“Salazar Slytherin.” He read.

“Yes, one of his original books on magic.” Euphermia explained.

Curiosity piqued, he very carefully flicked over the page and was confronted by a table of contents. There were a few words he understood, many he didn’t, whether because they were written in an older form of English he wasn’t familiar with or because they were of long dead branches of magic, James didn’t know. He hungrily poured over the page.

“I am translating it.” Euphermia said, gesturing to a leather-bound notebook next to the book.

“Can I have a copy? When you’re done.”

Euphermia smiled indulgently. “Of course.”

+++

Dinner that night was a buffet of all James’s favourite foods, a large Sheppard’s pie and a bowl of mashed potatoes lay next to a generous pile of sugar quills and a stack of the rare bubble gum flavoured chocolate that was only sold in a particular sweets store in Dublin.

After dinner, Fleamont handed both boys a small glass of firewhiskey.

“Only for toasting,” He insisted sternly, but his warning was bellied by the twinkle in his eyes.

“To James.” Sirius started grandly, standing on the low coffee table and holding his glass aloft. “Gryffindor’s premier chaser, transfiguration extraordinaire, best mate anyone could ever have, the best prankster Hogwart’s has ever had the pleasure to teach and….” Sirius flashed James a mischievous grin, James narrowed his eyes. “…the absolute worst dresser I have ever seen.”

James dived at Sirius tackling him to the floor, as Euphermia lazily summoned their glasses before they could be spilt.

“Really boys?” Fleamont said with a shake of his head, sharing a fond smile with his wife over the heads of the wrestling teenagers.

Finally pinning Sirius underneath him, James took great pleasure in tickling him, even if he was unable to wipe the cocky grin from his face completely.

Red in the face and still laughing, Sirius and James crawled back onto the couch and took their glasses back from an amused looking Euphermia.

“To our darling son.” Euphermia started once the giggling had subsided. “From the moment, you were born, you were so bright and full of energy. So friendly to everyone, so strong in your convictions and so very resourceful. You’ve certainly been a handful. Never a dull, easy child,” Euphermia teased gently to a chorus of laughter, “but we wouldn’t have it any other way. You have brought us so much joy.”

“We’re so proud of you, son.” Fleamont said, dabbing his eye with a hanky.

James jumped up to embrace both his parents, his mouth hurting from smiling so widely. 

“Ok, presents!” Fleamont announced clapping his hands together, his voice still a bit watery.

Euphoria flicked her wand and a small perfectly wrapped box flew into her open hand.

“Happy Birthday James.” She said as she passed it to James.

James gave his parents one more grin, before ripping open the paper. The box beneath was covered in a red velvet material that had been smoothed by age, it exuded the kind of powerful magical energy that could only come from a true heirloom. James flicked over the latch and opened the lid, nestled within dark velvet cushioning was gold watch. He fished it out to study it. The watch comprised of a number of spinning dials, some referencing celestial objects, others alchemical and runic symbols. On the watch face underneath the various dials was the Potter family crest inlaid with sapphires, it glittered magnificently even in the low light of the sitting room.

Although James had only been very young when his grandfather had passed away, he recognised it as a mainstay on the kindly old man’s wrist.

“Thanks Mum and Dad.” James said empathically, slipping the band through his hand. The watch strap automatically adjusted to perfectly match his wrist size.

“You are very welcome, James.” Fleamont said.

After another round of hugs, Sirius stood up.

“Right, my gift.” Sirius said, pulling something out of his pocket.

James craned his neck curiously to get a better look, Sirius swiftly tucked his hand back into the folds of his robes.

“Close your eyes and hold out your hands.” Sirius insisted.

James rolled his eyes, before letting them slide closed.

“If you give me frogs spawn again, I’m throwing it in your face.” He warned.

Sirius sniggered. “Bit better than frogs spawn this time, at least I hope it is.”

Sirius whispered an enlargement spell and placed something long, thin, and, thankfully not wet in his hands. James dropped it to his lap and not one for delayed gratification immediately set to ripping at the paper. When his hand brushed against wood, he couldn’t help but open his eyes astounded. He greedily pushed aside the rest of the paper to lay eyes on the most beautiful broom he had ever seen.

The handle was a smooth highly polished mahogany, the brush was made of perfectly aligned twigs attached to the end of the shaft with two wide golden bands. He ran a hand over the handle in awe.

It was then he noticed the absence of a name plate. He jerked his head up.

Sirius was watching him intently, nervously chewing his bottom lip.

“Um, it also comes with this.” Sirius said, thrusting out an envelope without his usual unflappable coolness.

James ripped the envelope apart in his eagerness to extract its contents. A single piece of parchment fell into his lap, which he eagerly scooped up to read.

_It is hereby certified by the Department of Magical Games and Sports that Broomstick No. 56,719 has undergone the necessary testing and is henceforth suitable for international magical competitions._

_Yours sincerely_

_Guinevere Greengrass_

_Department of Magical Games and Sports_

James thought back to the book about aviation charms and the one of broomstick regulations he had spied on Sirius’s bedside table a few weeks ago.

“You built this?” James spluttered weakly as the pieces finally fell together.

“Yeah.” Sirius said. “Of course, I don’t expect you use it in matches, but I just thought it would be good to get it approved in case you did, one day...”

Sirius trailed off. James continued stared down at this lap uncomprehendingly. He felt paralysed by gratitude. The silence in the room indicated his parents were just as stunned, even the fire cheerly burning in the corner seemed to have stopped crackling for the occasion.

James had received a number of extravagant presents throughout the years, cursory of being the doted-upon, only son of wealthy parents. But he had never received anything like this.

“Do you like it?” Sirius ventured.

“You’re kidding, right?” James croaked. He gently sat the broom down next to him to throw his arms around Sirius.

“You… you built me a broom. Of course, I love it!”

Sirius laughed into his ear sounding relieved.

“Alright, at least wait until you give it a spin before you get too carried away.” Sirius said, returning his hug.

James snorted, pulling back. “I am familiar with your spell work, Pads. I don’t need to ride it to know it will be brilliant.”

Sirius’s returning smile burnt like the star he was named after.

“Can we give it a spin, Mum and Dad?” James asked looking back at his parents.

Fleamont and Euphermia exchanged a charged look that James was unable to read.

“Ok, but only for 15 minutes. It’s cold out there.” Euphermia said finally.

+++

The night cloudless with a harsh cold wind howling across the grounds as James stepped out the front door. He wasted no time throwing his leg over the handle and pushing off. If he hadn’t been certain before of Sirius’s brilliance, he would have been entirely convinced now.

Within moments of casting off, James was zooming around the sky with glee. The broom seemed to read his mind rather than simply responding to his signals.

James climbed at speed, feeling the air become even colder with altitude. He halted his ascent abruptly, the broom becoming immediately still. It held its position despite the wind. James pointed the nose of the broom and dived.

Distantly he could hear the worried calls of his parents, but he tuned them out focusing instead on the wind in his ears and the exhilarated pumping of his heart.

At the last possible moment, James pulled out of his dive, his feet skimming the dew coated grass, a move his new broom executed effortlessly where even brooms built for professional quidditch players would have struggled.

James couldn’t help but let out an exhilarated whoop into the quiet night air. He couldn’t wait to use it in his next quidditch game.

“James, dear, come inside, that’s enough for tonight.” His mother’s voice sung out through the darkness.

Disappointed that he wouldn’t get test it further tonight, James reluctantly steered the broom toward the household lights.

“That was brilliant!” James enthused coming to a stop by his parents and Sirius.

Dismounting he gathered Sirius in another hug.

“So, you like it?” Sirius asked, his voice muffled by James’s bear hug.

“You’re a genius, Pads.” James said, squeezing tighter.

+++

James was polishing his broom handle when his mother puttered in with some washing.

“Hullo dear.”

James gave her a distracted smile, rubbing at a particularly stubborn spot. They had gone out flying earlier that morning, but despite James checking the weather forecast twice, they had been caught in an unexpected bit of rain.

Sirius had laughed at James’s panic about getting his new broom wet, assuring him he had put all the necessary water repelling and water tight spells on it. James also knew that if he was going to use it for matches going forward, he wouldn’t really get a choice. Quidditch matches were very rarely called off due to bad weather. Still, he couldn’t help but feel protective, it was the best present he had ever received.

“It’s a beautiful broom.” Euphemia said, putting the laundry basket aside and joining James on the bed.

“Yeah, you should see the way it handles.” James enthused, running a hand over the tail branches. “It’s got hair trigger steering. It’s almost like it can read my mind. Never ridden anything like it. Even Ludo Bagman’s Nimbus 1700 Dad got me a ride on last summer can’t compare.” 

“It really is an impressive bit of magic.” Euphermia said, carefully. “It must have taken Sirius a very long time.”

“Yeah.” James breathed. The uncomfortable feeling was back, squirming in his belly. James guessed he must be getting hungry. He was just about to ask about dinner when his mother continued.

“How is Lily Evans?”

James frowned at the strange change in subject. “Good.” He replied slowly.

“I was surprised you didn’t bring her for dinner, it sounds like you two are getting on well from your letters.”

James cringed.

“I may have exaggerated that slightly.” He admitted.

Euphermia gave him an amused look, indicating she had already guessed that. “Really?”

James groaned, flopping back onto the bed. “She is coming around. She’s just really… really stubborn, I guess. She likes me, I know she does. She keeps laughing at my jokes, although she pretends she’s not. And it’s better, now that I’m head boy she thinks I am responsible, so she takes me more seriously, you know?”

Euphermia gave him a nod, used to his long soliloquies about Lily Evans.

“I think by the end of this year, she’ll definitely come around. I can’t wait for you and dad to meet her. You’ll love her.” James finished, his lips curling in a dreamy smile as he imagined Lily sitting by his side at their kitchen table, his mother and father beaming at them.

“Did I ever tell you about Actaeus Malfoy?” Euphermia asked after a moment had passed.

James barely managed to stifle a groan. Usually he enjoyed his mother’s stories, she was after all where James got his own riveting oration skills from. But this particular story had popped up some time between his third and fourth year at Hogwarts, and his mother seemed intent on telling it to him at least twice a year. In the summer after his fifth year she had told it _three times_.

“Yes, you’ve told me like a million times.” James said. “It’s the one where you fall in love with a Slytherin, yeah?” James continued in case she actually didn’t think he knew it by now.

Euphermia pursed her lips. “I think one more time.”

James didn’t bother to hide his annoyed groan this time. Euphermia ignored him.

“Actaeus was two years above your father and I at Hogwarts….”

“And in Slytherin.” James interrupted.

“Yes,” Euphermia allowed. “He was a Slytherin, but that does not make him a bad person.”

James rolled his eyes at his mother’s resolve to expound interhouse unity at every opportunity.

“He was really, very attractive. Blond hair so light it was almost silver. Very tall, well built, star keeper for the Slytherin team.”

“Mum.” James complained. “I know what a Malfoy looks like we went to school with one for like three years and Sirius’s cousin even married one!”

Euphermia shook her head as if clearing it of a memory. “Anyway, throughout school I had the largest crush on him. I thought everything would be perfect if I could just date him. And in his last year we did. Two dates we had. That’s all it took really for me to realise….”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You realised Dad had been the person for you all along. I know.” James said. Pushing himself back up so he could go back to polishing his broom.

Euphermia gave her son an affectionate look. “You take after me so much. I just wish you had inherited less of my obviousness.”

“Hey!” James exclaimed, not sure if he was more offended on his behalf or hers.

Euphermia paused and James prepared himself. “I guess what I am trying to say is that, ambition is good, but make sure you are not missing out on what’s right in front of your nose. Your father, Godric bless him, was smart enough to know I would come around. But even he wouldn’t have waited forever.”

Euphermia gave him a kiss on the head and swanned out of the room.

The uncomfortable feeling was back worse than ever. James carefully placed his broom on the bed and went off in search of food. He must really be starving.

+++

On Sunday night, James repacked his duffle bag with an unfamiliar sense of dread. James may have stopped completely failing his classes, but he hadn’t even gotten close to regaining previous position as a top student. It scared him that it was a possibility that he never would.

What terrified him even more was what would happen to Sirius and his friendship if he didn’t. If he scrapped by with just a few acceptable NEWTs, what would happen to their plans to join the ministry together, or become internationally recognised curse breakers together, or go into business together inventing magical objects.

Any life James had imagined, from the minute they had first met on the Hogwarts Express up to this point, had Sirius in it. The thought that his future may not unfold that way made James feel ill.

Sirius was lazing on James’s bed, his attention entirely captured by a small black book in his hands. James traced the familiar lines of his face with his eyes, the dark eyes alight with curiosity, the clever tilt of his lips. 

James felt like maybe he could tell Sirius here. In his childhood room, surrounded by memories, bathed in his parents’ love. He just had to trust that Sirius’s friendship held true.

His eyes caught on the broom that Sirius had made him. Beyond even the incredible amount of time and impressive amount of magic that had clearly gone into creating it, having now flown it, James knew the broom had been created specifically to meet his preferences in every way. It meant that for years Sirius had been cataloguing every one of his niggling complaints and every throw away comment and found an answer for them.

Even for James who had grown up so loved by his parents it seemed an incredible show of dedication.

James felt his heart swell and his bravery return.

“What are you reading?” James asked, flopping onto the bed and taking a seat against the headboard next to Sirius.

“Your dad’s potion notes.” Sirius replied.

James snorted. “Any good?”

“Mmm, very interesting.” Sirius responded. “He writes like you do.” Sirius continued, his voice dripping with fondness, James felt his heart lift further.

“I think I’ll take that as a compliment.” James said.

“You should.” Sirius replied, with a warm smile.

James took a deep breath to calm himself.

“Um, I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you?”

Sirius marked his place in the book with a scrap of parchment and placed it on the bedside table.

“What’s up?” Sirius asked, his attention entirely redirected to James.

James felt his nervousness ratchet up a notch.

“Er, you might have noticed, I’ve, er, been partying a bit more than usual this term.” James started uncertainly, addressing a point slightly to Sirius’s left.

“Mmm.” Sirius murmured in agreement.

“And, it may have…” James trailed off as heat rushed to his cheeks, he buried his head in his hands.

He felt Sirius shift next to him and an arm winding comfortingly around his shoulders.

“Hey, it’s alright. You know you can tell me anything.” Sirius said with an encouraging squeeze of his shoulder.

“It’s just so fucking embarrassing.” James admitted, his voice muffled by his hands.

“Can’t be any more embarrassing then turning up here at 2 in the morning snivelling and dripping all over the carpet that summer.” Sirius said, his voice hard with self-depreciation.

James jerked his head out of his hands.

“Sirius, that wasn’t embarrassing, that was…” _heartbreaking, devastating, tragic_ , James wanted to say, but he knew Sirius’s wouldn’t appreciate it. “… awful and not your fault.” He settled for. Sirius seemed to read the words he hadn’t said right off his face though. 

“Maybe I’ll think the same about your problem.” Sirius said shrugging one shoulder.

“You won’t.” James muttered.

“I got the same mark as Wormtail.” James said bitterly, glaring at the Puddlemere United poster on his wall.

“Sorry, I’m not following?” Sirius said after a moment.

“In that transfiguration essay on conjuration. And then McGonagall tells me I’ve been failing pretty much all my classes for weeks. I could hardly get the Tickling Charm to work non-verbally, not to mention I don’t have a clue what’s even happening in History of Magic, Arithmancy is a disaster, I don’t know any of the new runes we’ve been using and I know I’ve never been the best at potions, but I thought I could at least make potions good enough to be tested, and I…” James shook his head trailing off, tears were starting prickle at the edge of his vision.

It was silent for a moment, the only sound the gentle rustling as Sirius rubbed his hand comfortingly up and down James’s arm.

“Oh,” Sirius said suddenly. “Is that why you’ve been studying with Moony and Wormtail?”

“Yes.” James said shortly.

“Oh, I just thought you wanted some space… away from me.”

“Why in Merlin’s name would I…” James started, but cut himself off, that wasn’t the issue here. “Well, it wasn’t. It was because I was failing everything and thought they could help without me needing to tell you.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to tell me?”

“Because it’s embarrassing, Sirius!” James shouted his temper getting the best of him.

“Fuck.” James said, as a tear slipped free. He reburied his face in his hands, he didn’t want to start crying in front of Sirius on top of everything else.

“Hey, it’s alright. Come here.” Sirius said, softly pulling him half into his arms.

James went willingly burring his head into Sirius’s shoulder and taking comfort in the circles Sirius was drawing on his back.

“What can I do to help?” Sirius said, after a moment.

“Well.” James said, pulling back slightly and dashing his tears away with his sleeve. “I’ve mostly stopped failing everything, but it’s so slow. Remus and Pete are great, but we’ve always… we’ve always learnt and worked best together, you know?”

“Yeah.” Sirius said softly.

“So, I thought, maybe, if you were ok with it, you could work with me in classes and on homework and maybe tutor me a bit, and that might…help.” James fumbled.

“Okay, that sounds like a good plan.”

When James finally found the courage to look up, Sirius’s eyes were gentle but they hadn’t lost any of their usual fondness, relief flooded through James.

James gave him a tight smile. “Thanks, Pads.”

Sirius gave him a smile. “Don’t mention it. You’d do the same for me.”

James slid of the bed and resumed his packing, feeling lighter than he had since his discussion with McGonagall. Finally, he had hope.

+++

His parents gave James and Sirius a tearful send off early Monday morning. The floo network deposited them in McGonagall’s office with just enough time spare for them to drop off their bags in the dorm and pick up their books and materials for classes.

Their first class Monday morning was Transfiguration. Remus and Peter, greeted them outside the classroom. The four friends exchanged greetings and quickly discussed their weekends before McGonagall ushered them in.

Instead of breaking off from James and heading for his usual desk, Sirius determinedly followed James to his desk. Wormtail, realising this, gave a long suffering sigh and headed for Sirius’s usual place across the room beside Remus.

McGonagall gave the boys a long piecing look but didn’t re-separate them before beginning the lesson. Once again, the lesson was a practical on conjugation, but this time with non-verbal spells.

James’s insides squirmed uncomfortably at the thought of performing non-verbal spells in front of Sirius, particularly given his previous spotty record with successfully managing them. But he tried to shake himself out of it, Sirius already knew the embarrassing details of James’s failures and hadn’t run out on him. What more damage could a physical demonstration of his inadequacies actually do?

McGonagall wrapped up her lecture in far too short a time, as far as James was concerned, and motioned for the class to begin their practical. James watched as Sirius cast, his spellwork looking effortless and powerful, a dozen crows summoned from thin air by the precise motion of his wand.

James swallowed, as he extracted his own wand from his robes. He squeezed close his eyes and focused on the incantation. Even before he opened his eyes, he knew he had failed.

James let out a frustrated growl. _Why wasn’t it working?_

“Um.” James started as Sirius’s voice interrupted his furious thoughts.

“I think you might be rushing it.” Sirius was speaking softly and uncertainly as if unsure whether it was allowed.

“Ok.” James said, slowly.

“I usually just, set it up as you normally would for conjugation, determine the mass shift, concentration, wand power, etc.” Sirius added.

James ran through the transfiguration formula as he had countless times. Earlier in the year, as used to transfiguration as he was, he would have bypassed this step and gone directly to creating the finished formula, but today he takes the time for focus on each element and clarify it in his mind before slotting in the appropriate values for each variable.

“Ok, and then push the finished formula with the spell to the front of you mind as you’re doing the wand movement.”

Brow furrowed in concentration, he did as Sirius instructed.

James jumped in surprise, as two perfect swans appeared before him. They might not been as numerous as Sirius’s conjured crows but they were there. _It had worked!_

James spun around to share a brilliant grin with Sirius.

Sirius beamed back at him.

James felt his stomach lurch as he was overcome with a powerful urge to kiss him. Thrown off balance James took a step back and ducked his head trying to get the urge back under control.

“You alright?” Sirius asked, taking a step forward.

“Fine. Great even, thanks, Pads.” James said too quickly.

James wasn’t unfamiliar with the desire to snog Sirius, but here in classroom, without a drop of alcohol in the vicinity, to get impulse to do so and for it to be that strong, was unexpected. And, James thought with a gulp, even more disturbing was the fact that he had almost given in to it.

James shook his head to clear it, now was not the time.

He re-focused his attention, pointed his wand and tried again.

+++


	5. The Changing of the Guard

James slammed his copy of _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi_ shut in triumph.

“Done?” Sirius asked.

They were pressed shoulder to shoulder sitting with backs resting against the headboard on Sirius’s bed.

“Amazingly, yes. You?”

Sirius held up his left pointed finger, the quill held by his right hand completed one last sentence with an elegant flourish.

“Now, I’m done.”

James beamed. “What will we do now? I don’t even remember the last time I didn’t have homework to do.”

Sirius barked out a laugh. “Surely you haven’t lost the ability to have fun, Prongs.”

“I am afraid I may have. Become a right Filch, I have.”

Sirius made a face. “Don’t worry, you just need a good night of mischief. And lucky for you, that is my speciality.”

James’s smile widened. “I knew there was a reason I put up with you.”

Sirius laughed again, his eyes already dancing with mischief. “What about you boys? You finished?”

Remus and Peter looked up from their positions spread out on the floor.

“Not even close.” Peter grumbled.

“But I’m more than happy to have a break. If I have to draw up another herbology chart, I may go mad.” Remus said, rubbing his eyes.

“That’s the spirit, Moony.” James said.

“Speaking of spirits. I have a couple of library books I really must return.” Sirius said, grabbing the closest book. His wicked grin giving away his true intention.

“At least take the cloak and map this time.” James said. “If you are going to teach me to be fun again, you’ll need to keep out of detention.”

“Right you are.” Sirius said, swiping the cloak and map from James’s bed and darting out the door.

“Alright.” James said sliding to the ground. “Where are you up to?” 

Remus shifted a stack of parchment to allow James to sit between the remaining boys.

Over the last two weeks, James’s spellwork had improved significantly. To the extent where he now felt comfortable assisting Remus and Peter without feeling like he was only going to hinder their efforts.

Working under Sirius’s tutelage had been very different to studying under that of the Hogwarts’ professors. As the Marauders had found when tutoring Peter through the Animagus transformation, Sirius was liable to skipping over important components and hurrying through to the points he felt were most salient. As someone who needed clear steps and instructions, it had frustrated Peter no end.

But James found it oddly helpful. The bits Sirius found to be important were generally the ones James struggled with, while the more basic foundational aspects Sirius missed out were typically those that James already knew and the parts James tended to tune out during class.

But beyond his improving marks and regained confidence in his abilities, by far the most significant breakthrough was that James was finding magic enjoyable again. He wanted to learn. He wanted to know what the twelve uses of dragon blood were and how each of them worked, he wanted to discern the intricacies of Wenlock’s laws of seven and untangle the reasons behind the 1612 Goblin Rebellion. James hadn’t previously noticed the way his poor performance had eroded his enjoyment of magic, but now that it was back, he couldn’t understand how he had lived without it. From his current vantage point, it seemed almost like he had been existing without an intrinsic part of himself.

Sirius’s mere presence at James’s side stoked the fire of his rediscovered curiosity. James basked under Sirius’s focused attention and revelled in their combined magical brilliance. Together they bickered over the nuisances in runic translations, they debated the potency of various of potions ingredients and argued about the best way to care for hippogriffs. James, who only the previous week had struggled to produce the required two foot essay on the banishment of Banshees, found himself producing a good four and a half foot essay on the identification and removal of domestic ghouls.

And for the first time since he had been told of his parent’s diagnosis, James actually felt like things might actually be ok.

+++

By the time Sirius returned, Remus was completing the last paragraph of his potions essay and Peter had got the hang of the non-verbal tickling charm. James, who had been test subject, pressed himself up for the floor, his face still in the smiling from Peter’s last attempt.

“You alright?” James asked, his smile fading.

Sirius had returned, two bottles of mead in his hands and the invisibility cloak resting over one arm. But the easy grin he had worn on the way out had dissolved and his face was unnaturally pale.

“Didn’t run into Peeves, did you?” Remus said a touch worriedly.

Sirius shook his head roughly.

“No, of course not. Just almost got caught by Filch is all.”

James frowned, with the cloak and the map, there was no reason for Sirius to have been almost discovered unless he was being particularly careless.

“Anyway, enough about that. Let’s get started.” Sirius said, falling a graceful tangle of limbs to James’s side, distributing one bottle to James and the other to Peter.

“Gobstones?” Remus asked a touch too eagerly. Neatly sending his completed homework to a pile by his bed.

James laughed. “Sure, why not?”

A couple of rounds of gobstones later, they were all starting to slur their words and make reckless decisions in their matches. When his poor roll lead to the foul liquid pouring all over his favourite sweater, James brought the games to a close. Remus looked slightly disappointed but seemed satisfied by the half empty bottle Sirius passed to him in consolation.

Sirius leant back his head lolling to rest on James’s shoulder his soft hair sweeping over James’s collar bone. James swallowed, suddenly very aware of the soft woody scent of Sirius’s shampoo and the warmth of Sirius’s leg and side pressed up against James’s.

That was one part of his existence that had not returned to normal. Although most of the time James was able to push it aside, his oversensitivity to Sirius’s presence and the strange pulsing desire that followed it, had not gone away in the weeks since the transfiguration lesson after his birthday. It seemed that a switch had been flicked and James was at a loss as to how to turn it off again.

James guessed it was down to the fact they hadn’t messed around since the night of the quidditch match with Hufflepuff and, well, to be honest, he was a bit frustrated. While James couldn’t bring himself to regret what had happened the night of the quidditch match, he was very aware of the fact that Sirius hadn’t made any moves to get him alone since that night. In fact, James was starting to realise that Sirius had never actually initiated any of their trysts. It was always James who initiated. The thought made James feel both guilt stricken and strangely forlorn in a way he didn’t want to examine too closely. Unable or at least unwilling to tease the whole mess out further, James had tried to put it out of his mind. After all he was happier than he had been all year, it was just greedy to expect more.

But tonight, relaxed by the alcohol in his system James’s previous resolve was breaking.

Peter and Remus were arguing ineloquently about the various merits of gobstones versus wizard’s chess. From previous experience with tipsy Remus and Peter, James was sure was the argument was very amusing, which was confirmed by the huff of Sirius’s laughter, but all James could really focus on was the warmth of Sirius’s breath on his neck.

James shifted, reluctant to move, but also sure, that if he didn’t, things were about to become extremely embarrassing rather quickly.

“I think Wormy might actually win this one.” Sirius said, his lips brushing the curve of James’s ear, the barely-there touch sending waves of heat through James’s veins.

“Bathroom.” James said abruptly, pulling himself up quickly.

Sirius gave him an indignant look as he barely caught himself from sliding sideways onto the floor without James to prop him up.

James barely spared him an apologetic glance before darting to the bathroom.

Now on two feet, the amount of alcohol he had consumed was becoming readily apparent. James steadied himself against the bathroom door way before making his way further inside.

He met his own reflection in the mirror with trepidation. His cheeks were flushed, his pupils blown wide. James splashed some cold water on his face trying to compose himself.

“You alright?”

James jumped at the familiar voice. His eyes met Sirius in the mirror.

It was a mistake.

Sirius looked thoroughly debauched. His tie hanging loose, his untucked shirt partway undone revealing a delicious strip of ivory collarbone, his long hair in disarray.

“Yeah.” James said, forcefully redirecting his eyes back to his own reflection. “Just too much to drink.”

“Seems to be a common complaint. Peter has passed out on the floor and Remus doesn’t seem that far behind him.”

James snorted. “Serves them right for hogging the mead.”

At the soft click of the bathroom door closing and the slide of the lock, James turned confused. Only to be pinned under Sirius’s focused gaze.

In the moment that James had looked away Sirius’s expression had morphed - his usually aloof countenance had devolved into abashed hunger. Sirius’s dilated eyes were fixed to him with an intensity that seemed like it would be more at home on Sirius’s Animagus form than his human one.

“Sirius?” James asked uncertainty.

“James.” Sirius answered his steady voice at odds with his predatory gaze.

Sirius advanced slowly and steadily, his eyes roaming over James. Drinking him in, in a way that sent shivers over James’s body.

Sirius crowded James up against the sink, his arms caging James in. James’s pulse jackrabbited. James licked his lips and Sirius’s gaze focused dropped to them immediately.

“Erm?” James said ineloquently.

That was all the encouragement Sirius needed, apparently, for between that second and the next Sirius’s mouth was on his. James melted instantly, not even his pride could prevent him from fully enjoying the fact that he was finally snogging Sirius again. He dug his hands into Sirius’s hair like he had been dreaming about for weeks and let himself get swept up in the reckless pleasure that only Sirius drew from him.

James grunted as the Sirius pressed bodily into him, the movement jolting his lower back almost painfully against the sink behind him, but he didn’t care. He pushed back slotting his thigh between Sirius’s to aid his grinding.

It took James a while, overcome as he was, but eventually he noticed this encounter felt different to the times before. Instead of boyish exploration and mischief, Sirius’s caresses felt tinged with desperation. Sirius’s movements so often elegant and refined were erratic and demanding. Even as James didn’t understand it, he couldn’t help but revel in the heady pleasure of being so wanted.

Just as James was about to lose himself completely, Sirius pulled back suddenly.

Bereft and confused, James could only stare at Sirius pathetically, willing him to return.

“Do you mind if I…?” Sirius gestured vaguely, his voice sounding wrecked.

“What?” James asked.

Sirius dropped to his knees, clearly giving up on explanations in favour a gesture.

“Fuck.” James said weakly, as all remaining blood left his brain in order to give his aching dick an almost painful pulse.

Sirius paused, a question in his eyes, his left hand on James’s belt.

“Fuck, yes. Sirius, please.” James managed to push out. His brain made hazy and slow with desire.

James watched in stunned silence as Sirius deftly opened his belt, then his trousers and slid his trousers and pants down his legs in one fluid motion.

James shivered, partly because of the cold porcelain now pressed against his naked arse, but mostly from Sirius’s gaze now fixed to his exposed cock. James wasn’t given to crises of confidence, but he thought if any time was reasonable to have some doubts it would be the first time someone saw him naked.

He watched Sirius’s carefully, but his expression was unreadable.

“Alright down there?” James couldn’t help but say after a moment, his nerves getting the better of him.

Sirius’s eyes flickered up. “You’re beautiful, James.”

James swallowed, it was overly sincere and would have sounded corny coming from anyone else, but on Sirius’s lips it sounded like poetry.

“I don’t know if a dick can be beautiful.” James said weakly, finding himself falling back on humour to diffuse the sincerity.

Sirius’s face split into a grin. “Well, you must be the exception, then.”

Sirius’s refocused his attention of James’s dick. He wrapped one hand around it slowly jerking him off as he seemed to decided how to tackle the rest. He lent forward adjusting his angle, his breath ghosting across James, even the mere wisp of Sirius’s heated breath driving him utterly mad. He quivered as Sirius gave the tip a tentative lick.

If James thought Sirius undoing his pants was the hottest thing he had ever seen, watching Sirius’s plush mouth engulf his cock nearly made him blackout. The heat and warmth sent fissions of pleasure throughout James’s body. He bit down on his lip _hard_ , hoping the pain would stop him from doing something stupid like coming immediately.

Sirius pulled away with a soft pop.

“Tell me if it’s not working for you.”

“No… it’s good.” James said much too eagerly, hand jumping to Sirius’s hair to fanatically guide him back.

Sirius answering grin was wicked.

He gained confidence quickly after that, which was absolutely heavenly for James’s pleasure centres, but played havoc on his stamina. His mouth and hand moving in unison, brought James thundering ever closer to the precipice.

“Sirius.” James said urgently, weakily pulling at his hair, his balls drawing up as he rapidly headed to completion. Sirius stubbornly grabbed James’s hip anchoring himself against James’s pulling, his ministrations only accelerating.

His dark eyes glanced up at James through thick lashes, and that did it.

James moaned loudly as he spilt into Sirius mouth, jerking unevenly as he finished. He pulled out of Sirius’s mouth, the sensation suddenly overwhelming on his overly sensitive cock.

He glanced down, his mouth going dry as he took in Sirius’s swollen mouth bruised a dark red and his eyes almost black with desire. Sirius had steadied himself against the bathroom cabinet, one wrapped around his own cock. James didn’t know it was possible to still so turned on immediately after finishing, but watching Sirius, still on his knees before James, decadently jerk himself to completion, seemed to instantly re-ignite James’s burning desire. Sirius met his eyes as he came and James felt fire spread through his veins.

James all but melted to the ground, he grabbed Sirius’s face roughly and kissed him.

“Ugh.” James said pulling away after tasting the salty favour of himself on Sirius’s lips.

Sirius laughed, his eyes dancing in the soft candle light. “Not to your taste.”

“Just wasn’t expecting it.” James said. “I’m sure it’ll be different once I’m in your position.”

Sirius’s smile faded, James watched confused.

“Come on, Prongs, best get to bed.” Sirius said, before James could comment on the abrupt change in his mood.

James allowed himself to be pulled up on his slightly wobbly legs.

+++

The next morning James woke up alone. He scrambled for his glasses only to find the other three boys sleepily, picking pieces of their uniform from the floor and lazily stuffing textbooks, homework and quills into their book bags. James flopped back onto his pillows for another moment, before forcing himself up to join them.

The Marauders were tired and quiet as they descended to breakfast. The Gryffindor table was almost at capacity and James plopped himself down next to Mary McDonald.

“Morning Mary.” James said stiffing a yawn. “How was your weekend?”

“Mm?” Mary said, jerking her head out of her porridge. For the first time, James noted the dark circles present under her eyes. “Sorry James. Um, yeah my weekend was… a bit tough to be honest.”

James frowned, suddenly more alert.

“Everything alright. If those Slytherins are bothering you again…”

“No, no, nothing like that.” Mary said. “But thank you. No, it’s just… well, I am sure you’ve already heard, but Lily and Severus had another fight. A really bad one.”

“Oh.” James said surprised.

Mary shook her head. “Oh no, you weren’t even at dinner last night, were you?” Her shoulders sagged. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“If it all happened in the Great Hall, I am sure someone would have told me soon enough, anyway.” James said with a comforting pat to her shoulder.

Mary gave him grateful look. “It was just all so horrible. We were all up half the night comforting her. Of all people, Lily deserves so much more than that.”

“Yes, she does.” James agreed fervently.

Mary gave him a tight smile before turning back to her eggs.

James scanned the Gryffindor table for a familiar red headed presence only to fall short. He exchanged significant looks with the other Marauders who had obviously overheard his conversation with Mary. Remus gave a pointed nod in the direction of the Slytherin table. Scrumptiously, James’s gaze followed Remus’s direction.

Snape’s pale face and greasy head of hair was instantly recognisable. He was sitting with his usual group of cronies, but instead of joining in with their unruly jeers, he was glaring murderously at his plate.

+++

Lily wasn’t in transfiguration nor in defence.

However, after lunch, Sirius gave James a nudge as they walked into charms, James followed his directing nod to where Lily was sitting hunched over and alone in a seat near the front of the room.

A quick scan of the classroom found Snape sat at the opposite end of the classroom, he glared bitterly at anyone with the misfortune to make eye contact with him. It seemed Mary was right. James thought he should be able to glean some pleasure from the breakdown of their friendship, but Lily’s defeated posture seemed to suck any potential enjoyment from him.

“You should sit with her.” Sirius whispered, his breath tickling James’s ear.

“She probably won’t like it.”

“Can’t hurt to try.”

James bit his lip feeling torn. “What about you?”

Sirius scoffed. “I’ll be fine.”

There was something odd in his tone, but when James looked Sirius’s expression gave nothing away.

James nodded. At the very least, telling him off might help to lift the sorrowful expression on Lily’s face.

“Hello.” James said, hesitantly.

Lily looked up, her gloomy look dissolving into a tentative smile.

“Head boy.” She greeted him. “What can I do for you?”

“Do you mind if I…”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Lily said, quickly clearing her books from the other side of the table.

James smiled nervously as he took the neighbouring seat.

“Are you sure your partner won’t mind you switching for the lesson?” Lily asked.

James barely resisted the urge to turn back and lock eyes with Sirius. “Er, nope, Sirius will be fine.”

“Ok, good.” Lily said. James was rather surprised by how happy she looked to have him there.

“Surprised you wanted to sit here.” Lily said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Thought you might be allergic to sitting this close to the teacher.”

James’s laughter burst from him suddenly at the unexpected joke.

“Well, I wouldn’t know. But now that you mention it, I am taking a grave risk.”

“I shall have to make the most of it then.” Lily said, with a laugh of her own.

James grinned back at her.

They worked surprisingly smoothly together. It was general knowledge that Charms was Lily’s best subject after Potions, and after a fortnight of working with Sirius, James had finally mastered the majority of the non-verbal charms expected of them.

They finished their demonstration well before most of their classmates and took the opportunity to quietly chat while they waited for the class to finish.

“How was your weekend?” Lily asked.

James was briefly thrown by an unexpected flashback of Sirius kneeling before him and the wave of heat that followed.

James cleared his throat, pushing the image away. “You know, mainly homework. And then we had a few games of gobstones.”

“Yes, I’ve heard Remus is quite proficient.”

“Not after half a bottle of mead, he’s not.” James muttered.

Lily raised one arched eyebrow.

“I mean, not that I would know that…” James backtracked, as what he had said, and to whom, sunk in.

“Relax, Potter. I’m not that much of a stick in the mud.” Lily said with a laugh. “Well, I must say it sounds a damn sight better than my weekend.”

James hummed sympathetically. “I heard. Did you want to talk about it?”

Lily sighed. “I’ve talked half my dorms ear off about it, not sure there’s much more to say.”

“Sometimes it can be helpful to have an outsider’s perspective.” James said, he was pretty sure his mother had said something like that once.

“Alright.” Lily said after a moment. “The hardest part is… just… I don’t understand how it happened. How he could drift that far from the person I knew he was? And right under my nose. Its like one second, he was still my best friend, the brave, clever, generous person I’ve known for most of my life, and then suddenly that person has completely disappeared and I don’t even recognise him. My Sev would never…” Lily trailed off shaking her head. “I don’t want to let him go, just in case there is some of him left in there. But I can’t keep… making excuses. People are getting hurt. But I…” Lily looked away her eyes watery.

“I am sorry.” James said and he meant it. As much as he didn’t understand her attachment to Snape, he did understand something of friendship. James couldn’t imagine how painful it would be to be permanently estranged from any of the Marauders, let alone his best friend. The week he had spent not speaking to Sirius after the disastrous Whomping Willow prank had been torturous enough.

“Thank you for saying that.” Lily said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Sorry for laying that all on you.”

James waved away her apology. “Don’t worry about it. Sorry I couldn’t help.”

“I don’t really think its something that can be helped.” Lily said with a tired smile.

“How did you go with the Herbology essay?” Lily said, a transparent bid for a subject change.

James took her lead, giving her a detailed rundown on the essay lacing a few jokes Sirius and he had exchanged on the subject while they were writing. James felt relieved as Lily’s melancholy expression slowly lifted as he spoke.

+++

Lily, Mary and Alice walked with the Marauders to potions. They did all look terribly tired. James and his friends tried to keep the atmosphere light with their banter.

As the entered the classroom, Lily balked. James quickly saw why, Snape had beat the rest of them to the classroom and had taken up his usual place right next to where Lily’s cauldron usually sat.

“Don’t worry.” Sirius said, breezily. “I’ll take one for the team.”

He swanned past them and dropped his bag on the chair next to Snape.

“Hello Snivellus.” Sirius said with a smile that showed too many teeth to be truly friendly.

James was rather impressed that Sirius’s smile didn’t so much as twitch at Snape’s answering glare.

“Erm, come on.” James said, leading Lily to Sirius’s usual spot.

Lily was rather less patient with James’s laissez faire attitude toward potions making than Sirius. However, she did still assist him when he added powdered roots of Asphodel before stirring the requisite number of times, abet with a bit more eye rolling then James considered fair.

Lily, and by extension, her close friends Mary and Alice, joined the Marauders at dinner and then in the library. Although they had all been friendly acquaintances throughout their years at Hogwarts, the two groups had never joined the way they were doing now.

As James headed to bed that night, he couldn’t help but think despite the unfortunate circumstances that had precipitated it, he was grateful for the chance to get to know the girls better before they all left Hogwarts.

+++

The next day, however, James’s charitable feelings were sorely tested.

“What are you doing?” James hissed grabbing Sirius’s wrist as he moved to vacate his usual seat beside James in History of Magic, their third class of the day, and the third time that day Sirius had pointedly left his spot at James’s side to make room for Lily.

Sirius gave James a blank confused look, that only added fuel to James’s frustration.

“Snape’s not even in this class.” James snarled.

“But Lily is.” Sirius said extracting his hand from James’s grip and favouring James with a smile and brief pat to the shoulder as he walked away.

“Everything ok?” Lily said sliding into Sirius’s vacated seat.

“Of course.” James said, following Sirius’s progress to the front of the room with narrowed eyes.

He knew deep down Sirius was just trying to be supportive. Giving James the opportunity to get to know the girl he had pinned after for years. But even so, a bitter, childish part of James couldn’t help but feel as if Sirius were trying to hand him over to Lily like some unruly pet he now longer wanted.

He turned back to Lily trying to push away his irritation. She was looking better rested today and playfully chatted with him before Binn’s begun his lecture.

+++

James talked more to Lily in the two weeks that followed then he had in the preceding three years.

Lily was everything he had hoped she would be and more. She was surprisingly fun and quick witted when she wasn’t annoyed at him. James found couldn’t help but be drawn into conversation with her and it seemed the other Marauders felt similarly.

James was beyond impressed that she could easily keep up with Sirius’s banter. She was kind to Peter and drily humorous with Remus. James found himself learning more about muggles from Lily then had in the past four years of muggle studies. When they touched on the politics or the wider wizarding world, she was fierce with her opinions, many of which James also shared, but she was able to articulate them in a way that James had always struggled to.

James’s long held dream of bringing her home to meet his parents gained colour and texture. He could now picture her debating the benefits of further integration with the muggle world with his father and exchanging witty repartee with his mother. 

However, all his enjoyment at getting to know Lily was swallowed up by his despair over Sirius.

For James now understood, that his early frustrations had only been the tip of the iceberg. Far more alarming than the fact that Sirius seemed to be trying to hand him off to Lily, was the fact that Sirius seemed to have switched off somehow.

It was almost impossible to explain even to himself, because Sirius was still there, he hadn’t withdrawn or become quiet. He was still present, still joking, still chatting. But it was like Sirius had muted himself in James’s presence, like the sun going behind a cloud, or a painting faded with age.

And James _missed_ him.

James ached for the bright spark of life that he intrinsically associated with his best friend. The more he tried to draw Sirius out, however, the more it seemed that Sirius slid away from him.

Most evenings James left the common room for the dormitory feeling frustrated, lonely and utterly miserable.

+++

The Marauders were spread out on couches closest to the fire. It was a rare occasion when the Marauders were alone in the Gryffindor common room, steadily working their way through another veritable mountain of homework. The girls had disappeared half an hour ago, having gone on a late-night quest for study snacks before curfew.

James labouring away at his arithmancy homework and trying not to be frustrated by Sirius’s passive responses to his attempts to draw him into a discussion on the merits of using different formulas to solve their homework problem.

“Hogmeade is next weekend.” Remus said conversationally, distracting James from his irritation.

“Good thing too,” Peter said. “I’m almost out of chocolate frogs.”

“My supply of sugar quills could use a top up too.” Remus said thoughtfully. “So, Honeydukes is definitely on the agenda. Anywhere else you boys want to go?”

“Well, Prongs probably will be doing his own thing.” Peter said with a sly smile.

James blinked at him confused. “Sorry, what?”

“You’ll be going with Lily, surely.” Peter added, rolling his eyes as if it had been obvious.

“Erm, I haven’t really thought about it.” James said feeling caught out.

“Really?” Peter said. “I thought for sure you would’ve asked her?”

James shrugged feeling uncomfortable.

“I think she would say yes this time, if that helps.” Remus added mildly.

“Really?” James couldn’t help but ask. “What do you think, Pads?”

Sirius shrugged his head still buried in his textbook. “Seems as good a time as any.”

James stared at him, flabbergasted. It was the blandest, most non-committal response Sirius had ever given him.

James had discussed almost every major (and not so major) decision with him. He always had an opinion, was always willing to let James talk it out or help him break down the intricates of any issue he was having. He’d had input on everything from what James got for his parent’s birthdays, to what day to hold quidditch try outs, to what he wore to his one and only date with Yolande Greengrass in fifth year.

He was of course familiar with Sirius’s ability to be cruel, uninterested, dismissive or just plain aloof, but never had _James_ been on the receiving end.

James felt as if he had been dosed in cold water. For all his circling thoughts and worries, he had never considered that maybe Sirius had just stopped seeing James as worthy of special treatment. James continued to stare at him, as if his gaze alone could bore its way through Sirius’s skull and determine what was happening behind those impregnable grey eyes. But Sirius didn’t look up.

James slammed his heavy textbook closed, his hurt rapidly morphing into anger. Peter and Remus started slightly at the noise, but Sirius didn’t even flinch. 

“I’m going to bed.” He announced, far louder than he intended.

“Night.” Sirius said, unhelpfully, marking a note on his parchment.

James stormed up the stairs to the boys dormitory seething. He paced the length of the room three times, tore off his tie and flopped onto his bed.

Within moments, the frustrations, misery and loneliness of the last few weeks built to a climax suddenly overwhelming him.

A strangled sob clawed its way from his throat.

He turned curled around his pillow.

He thought back to his conversation with Lily about her friendship with Severus. What a fool he had been. Thinking he was so superior, that _he_ could never be in her position, that he and Sirius would be forever.

He had believed that Sirius and he were two well matched, too clever, too close, to do anything as mundane as fall apart.

Sirius and he seemed practically built for each other. Everything was effortless, studying together, joking together, talking together, duelling together. Or so he had thought. He had not for a single moment considered that their friendship was just as fragile as anyone else’s.

Now he had lost something he hadn’t even considered it was possible to lose.

James let out another painful sob.

 _Like two sides of the same sickle,_ his mother had said.

 _A truly unique and unshakable bond_ , Dumbledore had once called it.

 _Closer than brothers_ , McGonagall had said.

 _Embarrassingly co-dependent,_ Remus had joked.

James had worn their words as a badge of honour. Now he felt cheated and betrayed by their confidence.

Maybe if they hadn’t said those things, James wouldn’t have taken their friendship for granted. Maybe he would have recognised sooner that Sirius wasn’t on board with the physical turn their friendship had taken.

For James finally understood the reason behind the guilt that had been plaguing him. All the clues had been there, Sirius never initiated it anything, it only happened when James had been drinking and Sirius always acted strange and stilted the next day. At best Sirius had been humouring him, at worst…

James felt sick at the very thought that he had been pressuring Sirius into something he didn’t want.

Memories of the night in the bathroom flooded him. The onetime Sirius had started up something, despite his misery James couldn’t help but be swept up again in the memory of Sirius’s heated gaze and passionate touches.

But James also knew, better than anyone really, how brilliant an actor Sirius was. It was all too easy to imagine Sirius putting on a performance to keep James happy. Despite his heartache James was glad about one thing, that Sirius had realised he was unhappy and had stopped the act. It was clear now, James was too obvious to pick up on the fact he was making his friend unhappy by himself. And the only thing James could imagine even worse than losing his friendship would be making Sirius permanently miserable.

His mounting despair seemed to choke him. What was he going to do now? If he had lost Sirius, did it even matter what he did?

The door creaked open. James froze, trying unsuccessfully to halt the flow of tears.

“You alright, James?”

James wasn’t sure if he was more disappointed or grateful that it was Remus’s voice and not Sirius.

“Fine.” James said shortly, hoping his waving voice didn’t give way the fact that he had been crying.

“James?” The footsteps came closer to his closed curtains.

“Just go away.” James said, burying his head back in his pillow.

He could hear Remus hesitate at the edge of the curtain, but eventually he let out a long sigh.

“Ok, James.” Remus said, his footsteps were followed by the soft closing of the dorm door.

Once his sobs had finally subsided, James rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling for a long time. Combing through a thousand precious memories of a friendship that he may have lost forever.

James had never really let himself think what made Sirius so different.

Why it had been Sirius he had been most reluctant to tell of his trouble with his magic, but also the one he most wanted to confess to. He had never considered the broader implications of the fact that while he had also kissed Peter, Remus, Mary, Alice and Frank during games of spin the bottle or truth and dare, but it was only Sirius that he chased to snog again in the private. Over and over, all year, he had been fighting against examining the way Sirius made him feel when they were together and the utter emptiness he had experienced as Sirius pulled away to make room for Lily.

It felt almost anticlimactic when the realisation swept through him.

Of course, he was in love Sirius.

Had anyone else truly stood a chance.

James turned his face into his pillow as a fresh wave of grief swept through him. It felt cruel to realise his feelings just as acting upon them would be sure to destroy even more of his damaged friendship.

Fresh tears pricked at his eyes. He hadn’t even truly realised how what he had, until he had lost it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay, I ended up rewriting this four or five times, lol. Anyway, hopefully you like the direction I ended up going with.  
> A big thank you to everyone who has commented or given kudos, you all gave me the motivation to keep going.  
> Oh and don't worry, things will get better for our poor tortured protagonists...


	6. Hogsmeade

James woke the next day with a start. The dormitory was still cast with shadows, only the soft blue predawn light gave away the fact that it was a new day.

He flopped back on his bed. His face felt sticky with dried tears but even the thought of walk to the bathroom to wash it was exhausting. But he also knew it was important that he left now before the other boys woke up.

With a mammoth effort, James forced himself to the bathroom. He washed his face with cold water and avoided his reflection best he could. He couldn’t, however, avoid the memories of Sirius pushing him up against these very sinks. The way he had dropped to his knees…

James fled the bathroom unable to take the memories any longer. He dressed quickly and dispassionately.

He intended to leave the dormitory immediately, but he froze as his gaze met the drawn curtains of the neighbouring bed.

Almost without permission his hand stretched out and swept the curtains aside.

Sirius was fast asleep curled on his side, his bare shoulder rising and falling hypnotically with his breath. His hair was spread across the white linen of the pillow like a dark halo.

James’s traitorous heart accelerated, beating out the realisation he had had last night.

He was in love with his best friend.

Sirius’s handsome features were relaxed in a way that made him look younger and more vulnerable than he ever did awake.

James yearned to reach out and smooth a displaced lock of hair from his forehead. But he stopped himself, he had forfeited that right.

He left before the tears started falling again. He had lost Sirius through his own stupidity and he needed to accept that.

+++

Lily was in the library as he had expected. She had always been an early riser, and only last week she had told him how peaceful and productive she found the library early in the morning.

James swallowed down his nervousness. He needed to do this. Lily was his future and, now, she was the only thing he had left. He had loved her once and he would do so again.

“Hey Evans… Lily.” He called as he moved closer.

Lily looked up and smiled.

“Hello, Head Boy. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just wanted to have a word, if you have a second?”

“Of course. Take a seat.”

James sunk into the only chair not covered in textbooks or parchment.

“Great, um, well, ah….” James started, all his carefully planned words seemed to flee his head when faced with Lily’s pretty face.

“Are you ok?” Lily asked, kindly.

“Yes, sorry.” James said, he took a deep breath. “I was just wondering, if, ah, if you had any plans for Hogsmeade this weekend?”

Lily blinked at him. “Well, I figured we would all be going together. Is that not what you had in mind?”

“Erm, not really.” James confessed. “I was wondering, if maybe, you would like to go with… well, me? Just me. Like on a date.” James finally managed, cursing his stilted speech.

“Oh.” Lily said. She sounded significantly more surprised than James had expected her to.

“You don’t have.” James added quickly.

“Sorry, no, I was just… it’s a bit of a surprise is all.” Lily said.

James felt heat climb up his cheeks as her silence extended.

It wasn’t that he thought it would be easy. He was fully prepared for Lily to turn him down, he was almost expecting it.

But her confusion had completely thrown him.

It was common knowledge that James fancied her, especially after his disastrous attempt to ask her out in fifth year. James watched as she seemingly processed a considerable shift in her world view, that James felt was completely unjustified.

“So…?” James prompted finally, unable to take the silence any longer.

“What’s brought this on?” Lily asked instead of answering.

James ran a hand through his hair. “What do you mean? Do I need an excuse to ask a pretty girl on a date?”

Lily gave him a piecing look and James was hit with the feeling that he had just made a very big mistake.

“Does this have anything to do with the argument Remus said you and Sirius had last night?”

James gulped.

“Not really. It wasn’t really an argument, anyway, just a… um….” James trailed off weakly.

“Look, I’m not going to go on a date with you just because you and Sirius are fighting.” Lily said firmly turning back to her work.

“It’s not... I’ve fancied you for ages, you know that.”

Lily sighed. “What I know is you liked me in fifth year. Since then I’ve sat through at least three games of spin the bottle where you’ve purposely rigged it, so you were matched with Sirius –”

“Those were pranks!”

“– And, that’s not to mention all the times you two have disappeared off together only come back with your clothes dishevelled. I’m not an idiot, James.” Lily finished with a heated glare.

James flushed.

“I was really starting to like you, _as a friend_. Don’t be a prat and use me to get back at Sirius. That’s not fair to me, and you’re a better person than that.”

“I wasn’t…” James said. “There’s nothing going on between Sirius and I. Not anymore.”

Lily’s anger faded, her eyes widening in surprise. “You two broke up?”

James laughed bitterly. “There was nothing to break up.”

“Oh.”

James gave her a tight smile and willed himself not to cry. “It was all in my head, apparently.”

“I’m… sorry.” Lily said, placing a comforting hand on his.

“It’s my own fault. Anyway… I’d better...”

James stood up shakily. He should never have left the dorm. He felt sick and unsteady and not at all robust enough for company. He should have just stayed in bed and slept through his heart break.

Lily tightened her grip on his hand. “We can still go together, as friends, if you want. You really helped with everything with Sev. Maybe I can help you too.”

+++

That was how James ended up sitting across from Lily in The Three Broomsticks, morosely nursing his third butterbeer. Lily gave him what felt like the hundredth sympathetic smile of the afternoon.

James tried to return it, but it came out as a painful grimace.

James tried not to let his eyes drift the door. It was nearing 3 pm, usually the Marauders would be coming to the end of their shopping by then. Ready to crowd into a booth at the Three Broomsticks to sort through their loot and flirt with the Madam Rosmerta in the hopes of getting served something stronger than butterbeer.

His friends thought James was on the date of his dreams and he hadn’t corrected them. It was easier this way he reasoned, less questions.

Sirius had congratulated him with a brief impersonal clap to the shoulder when he had told them of his plan to visit Hogsmeade with Lily. His indifference had hurt more than any mocking word, at least if he had been cruel, James would have known he still cared.

“Sorry,” James said, slumping back into his seat. “I’ve completely ruined your day.”

“It’s alright.” Lily said. “Don’t think I was up for much, anyway.”

“We’re quite pair, aren’t we?” James joked weakly.

Lily played with the condensation on the table for a moment before looking up again.

“It’s just so awful. With Sev and I, that it’s not really recoverable unless he has a serious change of heart. But you and Sirius - is it really that unfixable?”

“I’m afraid so.” He said gravely.

Lily frowned. “What exactly did Sirius say to you?”

“It’s not so much what he said.”

“Then, what did he do?”

“It’s not so much what he did.”

Lily stared at him, her eyebrows furrowed. “If it’s not what he did and not what he said, then what _was_ it?”

“It’s how he’s been acting, all distant and aloof.”

“Isn’t that just how Sirius acts normally?”

“Not to me. At least he never used to.”

Lily was looking at him like his mother did when she thought he was being particularly dense, so James decided to bring out the big guns. No matter how much it pained him it might be good to talk to someone about it and Lily had figured them out, so I wasn’t like he was betraying a secret that wasn’t already known.

“And all of physical stuff we did. He never initiated it, well, except once, but that was… anyway, it’s pretty clear it wasn’t what he wanted.”

“How is it clear?”

James frowned at her suddenly sharp tone.

“What do you mean?”

“Did he tell you to stop?”

“Er, no. But…”

“Have you ever actually spoken about it to him? Asked why he was acting ‘distant’? Or why he didn’t initiate anything?”

“Well, no, but…”

Lily shook her head looking completely disbelieving. “So, off the back of Sirius saying nothing to you, and you saying nothing to him, you’ve unilaterally decided, based slight changes in his behaviour and the fact you two haven’t snogged each other in a week, that he hates you and your friendship is over.”

James blinked at her, stunned.

“Well, of course it sounds stupid when you put it like that.” James grumbled. “Anyway, it’s been two weeks, not one.”

Lily’s bemused expression focused. “Two weeks?”

“Yeah, two weeks on Sunday.” James muttered, trying to push the image of Sirius’s looking up at him through dark eyelashes from his mind.

“As in the night Sev and I had our…” Lily trailed off.

“Yeah, but we only found out that morning when Mary told us.”

“You did. But did Sirius?”

“What do you mean?”

“Was Sirius in the dorm all night?”

James paused. He thought back to Sirius returning to the dorm looking pale and shaken followed by his confusing statement about almost being caught by Filch.

“No.” James said slowly.

“And that was the last time…”

“Yes…” James finally let himself remember back to that night in full. He remembered how fanatic and desperate Sirius’s touches had felt, how at odds it felt to every other time. “It was… he was… it was almost like he was…” s _aying goodbye,_ James thought but couldn’t bring himself to voice.

“You don’t think…?” James said, comprehension breaking over him like a tidal wave.

“You said it yourself, it’s common knowledge you’ve fancied me since fifth year.” Lily said slowly. “And even I know what Sirius is like, he’d do anything for you, even...” She trailed off, but James’s thoughts were already racing.

He replayed the last few weeks through a different lens. Sirius constantly vacating his seat for Lily; pulling away from conversations that involved the three of them so only Lily and he were conversing; his careful, genial responses to questions about Lily that from this vantage point looked far more like Sirius’s style of acting than the insatiable hunger he had displayed in the fifth year dormitory bathroom.

James met Lily’s wide green eyes.

“I…” James said completely floored.

“…fucked up.” Lily said completing his unfinished sentence. “Well, what are you waiting for?”

James half rose from the table before hesitating. “What if we’re wrong? What do I even say to him if we’re right? I don’t…”

Lily gave him a soft look. “James, I have just spent the last fortnight absolutely miserable because my friendship with my best friend is irreparable. Take it from me, if you can mend it at all, its worth all the time and embarrassment and whatever else you have to give. If there was even the slightest chance for Sev and I, I would walk through fire for it.”

“Yes, you’re right. Of course, you’re right.” James said, nodding.

“Thank you.” James said as a he stood.

“Good luck.” Lily said, her smile tinged with sadness.

James hesitated once more grabbing his half empty butterbeer and downing it. Lily’s laughter followed him as he placed the empty beer down and half ran to the door.

+++

James bumped into Remus and Peter outside of Zonko’s Joke Shop.

“Prongs? Where’s Lily?” Peter said confused. Peaking around James as if she might be hiding behind James’s back.

“I just… left her… in the Three Broomsticks.” James panted.

Remus and Peter exchanged an alarmed glance.

“Are you going to go back?” Remus aske.

“No… Listen… where’s Padfoot? I need to find him.”

“Oh no. Did your date go badly?” Peter said.

“Well, I’ll put it this way, I don’t think we’ll be going on another.” James joked.

“I’m so sorry, James.” Remus said. Peter nodded. Both looked absolutely crestfallen on James's behalf.

Emotions already heighted by the growing hope that Sirius might actually return his feelings, his friend’s concern affected James greatly.

“You guys are the best.” James said exuberantly. Collecting them both in a sudden hug. Peter and Remus stiffened in surprise.

“I think he might have been confounded.” Peter said in a loud stage whisper to Remus when James pulled away.

Remus rolled his eyes. “He hasn’t been confounded.”

“Now, thank you for your concern, but I really do need to find Sirius. Is he still in Zonko’s?” James said ignoring their conversation in order to peer over their shoulders into the shop behind.

“What happened, James?” Remus said, expression serious.

“Nothing happened.” James said with a too loud laugh. “So, could please just tell me where Sirius went?”

“He went back to the castle.” Remus said finally, peering at James sceptically. “About an hour ago, mentioned he had some arithmancy homework to finish.”

“Oh.” James’s smile faltered. The only arithmancy homework they had, James and he had finished two nights ago.

“I take it that was a lie.” Remus asked wryly.

James nodded. It was a good one too, neither Remus nor Peter took arithmancy.

“Has he…” James started, hesitantly. “Has he said anything to you guys?”

“In regards to…” Remus prompted.

“Me?” James answered awkwardly.

Peter rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t really narrow it down. You two are always talking about each other.”

James gave Peter an unimpressed look.

“I mean, has he said anything out of the ordinary?” James said, struggling to put it into words. _How was this so much easier with Lily?_ He thought a bit desperately. “Like maybe about me and Lily, or why he’s been acting so distant…”

Remus and Peter’s faces suddenly went very blank. It the same expression all the Marauders had perfected for when their professors accused them of performing pranks that they were almost always responsible for. It was actually not that effective, James noted, when you knew what you are looking for.

James sighed. “So, he has then.”

Remus looked torn. “He hasn’t said anything, no. But we do live in the same dorm as you two. And you’ve both been acting erratic, even more so than usual.”

Peter shuffled from one foot to other looking uncomfortable.

“Ok.” James said, running a hand through his hair. “What do you think it means?”

Remus glared at him. “Oh no, you don’t. I’m not getting in the middle of this. You two have created these problems for yourselves, you two get to fix them.”

“Right.” James said. “Erm, so Lily has this theory. It’s probably completely crackpot, but, erm, get this, she thinks that Sirius might have feelings for me.”

Peter looked confused, but Remus… Remus didn’t look surprised at all, in fact, if anything, he looked worried, chewing anxiously on his bottom lip.

“So, erm, I was just going to head off and clear things up with him…” James continued when neither of his friends said anything. “So, I guess I’ll see you boys back at the dorm.”

Remus grabbed his shoulder before he could turn to leave.

“James. He already knows you were on a date with Lily, so don’t you think he is already aware of your decision? He’s off making peace with it. If you’re just going to find him to tell him what he already knows, maybe that can wait.” Remus’s voice was assertive in a way it rarely was. James felt ice slide through his veins as he understood Remus’s statement for what it was. Remus was being protective of Sirius, but he was not standing against some Slytherin bullies or nasty Black cousins, he was standing against James. It felt wrong. James had always been Sirius’s greatest defender. To think Remus considered James a threat to his best friend _hurt_. 

“I’m not…I wasn’t…” James licked his suddenly dry lips. “Lily turned me down, we were just meeting as friends. I know I messed up, but I was hoping to… maybe catch him before I missed my chance...”

“Oh.” Remus stared at him with round eyes. “So, you’re…”

James nodded.

“Sorry.” Peter interrupted loudly. “What in Merlin’s name is going on?”

Remus shook himself out of his surprise. “I’ll explain it to you later, Wormtail.”

Remus turned back to James, a soft smile on his lips. “What are you waiting for?” He gave James’s shoulder a little push. “Go…”

That was all the encouragement James needed. He turned on his heel and took off at a run. Behind him he heard Peter say. “He definitely seemed confounded to me.”

+++

James took every shortcut he knew, making it back to the Gryffindor in record time.

“Pads? Sirius?” James called into the darkened dorm.

James couldn’t help but be slightly disappointed even if it had been a long shot.

He started rummaging through the pile of parchment on the floor between his and Sirius’s beds. The map was gone.

James nodded jerkily to himself and almost cut himself in his haste to pull the mirror out of his pocket.

“Sirius!” James all but shouted into his mirror, but all that stared back at him was his own face with a slightly manic look in his eyes.

“Right, ok.” James said to no one running a hand through his hair.

+++

James trapezed the castle, every nook and cranny the Marauders had uncovered in their seven years of mischief.

He scoured the owlery, walked the quidditch pitch, searched the Shrieking Shack and even overturned boats searching in the boat shed next to the Black Lake.

The sun was setting by the time James finally found Sirius.

The grand oak stood behind Hagrid's hut, and in it, a good twelve feet of the ground, partially hidden by the foliage, sat Sirius, one long bent leg resting on the branch he was perched on and the other dangling over the edge.

From the ground James, could just make out the colony of fairies in revelry around him. James sighed, he familiar with Sirius’s tendency to seek solace with magical creatures. He felt rather sick that it had been him who had caused Sirius to seek out comfort this time.

James watched for a moment, trepidation pinning him where he stood. What if Lily and Remus had been wrong? What if Sirius truly did hate him? Or what if they had been right, but James had taken too long and now Sirius wanted nothing to do with him? Hadn’t his own mother warned him that Sirius wouldn’t wait forever…

James took a deep breath he knew deep down it didn’t really matter. If there was even the slightest chance that Sirius wanted to continue their friendship, let alone return his feelings, it was worth the risk.

James lodged his left foot in the lowest branch. It was an ungraceful scramble up the tree, he had always been more of a flyer than a climber, but eventually James drew level with Sirius. He flopped down on an adjacent branch, breathing heavily.

Despite having obviously heard his awkward ascent up the tree, Sirius made no move to acknowledge him.

James turned to study his friend only for his breath to be knocked out of him.

The fairies had scattered at James’s arrival, but they had already done their work. Sirius was distractingly beautiful on the worst of days, James had found this to be the case even before he started sneaking off to snog him at every opportunity. But with flowers plaited through his hair and the dark lashes of his closed eyes glittering with fairy dust, he seemed to steal the very air from James’s lungs. James quickly looked away.

“Hey.” James said uncertainty, directing his address to the tree branch he was perched on.

“James.” Sirius said, his tone neutral.

A long silence settled between them.

“What are you doing up here?” James ventured, once the silence had become intolerably uncomfortable.

“Got bored of Hogsmeade.”

“Right.” James said, slowly at the non-answer.

“The better question is why are _you_ here?” Sirius said, his voice sounding tired. “You should be with Lily.”

“Do you hate me?” James blurted out.

“Sorry, what?!”

James looked up inadvertently at the sudden increase in volume. Sirius had now turned towards him, frowning.

“You honestly believe I’m capable of hating you?” Sirius asked his voice laced with incredulity.

James swallowed. “You seemed to be drifting away and nothing I did fixed it.”

“James, you could murder my entire family and I still wouldn’t hate you.”

James let out a short laugh. “Considering how you feel about your family I don’t know if that says much.”

Sirius gave him a ghost of his usual smile, turning away to rest his head against the trunk again. “Well, either way it’s ridiculous. Of course, I don’t hate you.”

“That’s… that’s good.” It was a low bar, but James couldn’t help but feel relieved it had been cleared. “So why did you… pull away?”

Sirius’s shoulders sagged.

“You know why. You’ve been in love with Lily for years. School is almost over. I couldn’t stand in the way of that. I was trying to give you two space to work yourselves out.”

James had guessed as much in The Three Broomsticks. But now he considered it further, that explanation didn’t fit all the puzzle pieces. Sirius hadn’t just been vacating chairs and pulling away from conversations to give Lily and James room to get to know each other, he had also been muted, distant, aloof in a way he never was with James. That behaviour hadn’t helped James get to know Lily, it had just made James miserable.

“Is that all? Because, if so, you went a bit overboard.” James said.

Sirius was silent for so long James thought he was going to ignore the implicit question.

“And I guess…” Sirius said finally. “Well, everyone is always telling me about this thing called self-preservation. Apparently, I’m pretty awful at it, but I thought I might give it a crack, this one time.”

“Oh.” James said, trying to work through the layers of Sirius's words. They felt like they should make Sirius’s true feelings on the matter clearer, but James still felt completely in the dark.

“You should go back. Maybe you can still catch Lily at dinner and organise your next date.” Sirius said dully, interrupting James’s thoughts.

James snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think it’s going to happen.”

“James.” Sirius groaned. “What in Salazar’s name did you do, you pillock? Merlin, ok we can fix this… tell me what happened, and we can work out a plan.”

“I don’t want to fix it.” James said, irritated.

“You’ve waited to date Lily for three fucking years, James.” Sirius said heatedly. “I’m not letting you throw that all away.”

“But it’s not really your decisions to make, is it, Sirius?” James fired back.

“James.” Sirius started again, his voice serious. “I know you are worried about me. I should have seen this coming… doesn’t matter. Anyway, please don’t throw away your chance just because I’m having a bit of sulk.” Sirius gave him an encouraging smile, that looked a bit painful. “Come on, you know me, give me a few days, I’ll bounce back. And Lily, she’s brilliant, you’ll be so happy together…”

“I don’t want to date Lily!” James said loudly.

Sirius frowned at him. “Yes, you do.”

“No, I really don’t.” James said. “And she certainty doesn’t want to date me.”

“What? When did that happen? I thought you we’re getting along well.” Sirius said, looking crushed.

“Well, for one, she figured us out.” James said ruefully. “Apparently, we were not as subtle as we thought we were about sneaking off to snog during every Gryffindor party this year.”

Sirius blanched.

“But it’s alright.” James said quickly. “I don’t want to date her either. Even if you don’t… it won’t change anything. Lily’s not who I…” James took a deep breath. “She’s not who I want, she’s not who I love.”

The confession felt right in the way he had always assumed asking Lily out would feel. Unfortunately, Sirius didn’t seem to agree, he had gone from looking worried to downright petrified.

“You can’t be fucking serious?” Sirius said, weakly.

“No, but I’d like to be.” James said with an exaggerated wink.

Sirius glared at him, but at least his frightened expression had disappeared.

“Too soon for puns?” James said flippantly. “You’ve got to admit it was a pretty good one.”

“This is your life, James.” Sirius said, seriously.

“Merlin, you’re dramatic.” James retorted.

“Look I know you’re… confused. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have taken advantage –”

James gaped. “How in Godric’s name did _you_ take advantage? I was the one pushing you against every wall in the bloody castle.”

Sirius took a steadying breath. “I just meant, I took advantage of the time you spent waiting for Lily and I shouldn’t have… muddied the waters, so to speak.” Sirius swallowed looking shattered. “I didn’t mean for it to go this far, I got carried away… I was selfish, if I’d just stood back things would have progressed as they were supposed to…”

“What in Merlin’s name are you saying?” James said, louder than he intended.

The emotions of the last few days had significant worn down his hold on his temper and he was starting to lose whatever tenuous grip he had left. He knew his anger was being fuelled by hurt, but this knowledge did nothing to calm it. Falling in love with Sirius had been the easiest thing James had ever done, which was maybe the reason it taken him so long to notice it had happened. But far from being pleased, Sirius had taken his love confession as almost as badly as James imagined he would take a request to move back into Grimmauld Place.

“Just that you’ve been confused by the fact that I’ve made myself available” Sirius said in a measured tone that made James want to hit something. “As soon as you get to together with Lily it will all go away.”

James’s temper snapped. “So, let me get this straight, you think you’ve bewitched me with your nasty Black seduction techniques, and I’ve had absolutely no say in the matter. And what? I just need a detox period with Lily, and I’ll instantly fall out of love you.”

“James – ”

“No, please, do go on. Because this all sounds so much more reasonable than me naturally falling for the person I spend all my time with and share everything with, my best friend since I was eleven. What is wrong with you?!”

Sirius glared at him but didn’t defend himself.

It took every inch of James’s self-restraint not to continue his triad. But he knew Sirius. He knew, that just because Sirius mostly presented himself as well adjusted, self-assured and borderline cocky, it didn’t mean he was. He knew that underneath it all, Sirius was still riddled with the scar tissue of a life of being told he was a disappointment by those who were supposed to love him most. Sometimes (a lot of the time) James wished he could hex the lot of them for the damage they had done to his favorite person.

“Sirius,” James started again, trying to keep his tone even. “I’m telling you I love you. This is not up for debate. If there is such a thing as soulmates, you’re mine. You see that right?” James sagged against the trunk the fight leaving him. “Why are you fighting this so hard?”

“Because I won’t be enough!” Sirius snarled. “It’s all well and good you think this now. But in a year for now, in five, who knows you might even stick it out for ten, but eventually you are going figure out I’m not enough and you will resent me for keeping you away from someone who could have given you everything. I can’t…” Sirius’s voice broke.

James furrowed his brow. “Sirius, most people don’t fall in love with someone based on how much they can give you. I don’t know what the future holds, but I can’t picture my feelings on this ever changing, regardless of what you can and can’t give me. Merlin, I thought you were past all this bullshit. Your _family_ were wrong!”

“They weren’t wrong about everything.” Sirius said bitterly.

“They were about most things, and they certainly are about this.”

James took a deep breath. “You know, if you don’t want to date me, you can just say so.”

“It’s not that…” Sirius said softly.

James sat in miserable silence waiting for Sirius to continue, but it was soon clear he had no intention of doing so.

James hadn’t been sure how the conversation was going to go, but he was pretty sure not even his worst nightmares could have dreamt this mess up. Wrung out and tired, James gave it one last try.

“I love you Sirius. I’m not going to change my mind.” James said imploringly.

Silence settled over them. The darkness of evening starting to encroach on the brilliant orange light thrown by the setting sun.

“But it seems like you… need some time, so I’ll just…” James closed his eyes, pushing down his heartbreak to ready himself for climb down. He could fall apart once he was back in the safety of the dormitory.

“Alright.” Sirius said, suddenly, sounding resigned.

James’s eyes snapped open only to be confronted by the sight of Sirius gracefully stepping from his branch to James’s. James shimmed back against the trunk to make room, traitorous hope and sickly nervousness warring inside him.

James swallowed. “Erm?”

Sirius held up one finger. “One condition, when you dump me in five years time, I get to say _I told you so_ as many times as I want.”

Laughter bubbled up suddenly in James’s throat, dashing away his wretchedness as if it had never existed. James couldn’t help but marvel at Sirius’s ability to instantly pull him out of any bad mood, even ones he had been the cause of.

“Alright.” James said, still grinning. “But on our fiftieth wedding anniversary _I_ get to say _I told you so_ as many times as _I_ want.”

Sirius barked out a laugh and settled himself astride the branch facing James their knees knocking together.

At this close range and in the fading light, Sirius’s grey eyes looked multicoloured under the irradiance of the fairy dust in his eyelashes. James stared at him transfixed.

“They did quite a number on you.” James said weakly, his heart beat accelerated as he surveyed the intricate braids through his dark hair and intertwined flowers that seemed to bloom before his very eyes.

Sirius made a face. “Bit much?”

James shook his head. “No, it’s just… you’re distracting enough normally, but today it’s a miracle I was able to string two coherent sentences together.”

Sirius’s answering smile was brilliant.

James warred within himself. His frayed, vulnerable heart needed him to secure confirmation even as the more logical part of him demanded he not risk fracturing their recent truce by rocking the boat.

“So, is this a yes, then?” James said, tentatively, unable to stop his fragile heart from leading his head.

Sirius tilted his head. “I don’t actually remember there being a question in there, Potter.”

Relief and fondness swept through James at the reappearance of Sirius’s familiar cheeky grin, whatever else happened at least he hadn’t lost that.

“Fine.” James said affecting a resigned tone. “Sirius Black, will you go steady with me?”

Sirius’s grin widened. “ _Go steady?_ What decade are you living in?”

James bit his lip to stop from smiling. “Alright. Sirius, will you go a date with me?”

“Just one. That doesn’t seem conductive to getting to our… what was it?... _Fiftieth_ wedding anniversary.” Sirius snarked raising an eyebrow.

“Oh.” James said, unable to hold back his answering grin any longer. “You want a proposal already? That seems to bypass quite a few steps, don’t you think?”

Sirius threw his head back in laughter. James’s heart soared.

“So?” James prompted.

“The answer is yes.” Sirius said, his smile softening.

“To which one?” James teased.

“All of the above.” Sirius said.

James was sure he was grinning like absolute goof, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His whole body felt lighter, as if he could simply float off the branch he was perched on and off into the sky.

Sirius’s eyes roamed over James’s face, his expression becoming serious.

“I love you, James.” Sirius said softly.

“Yeah?” James whispered.

“Yes.” Sirius said definitively, his eyes focused on James’s as if trying to convey everything he could not put into words.

In that moment, James felt superhuman, able to move mountains, shift continents, reorder the stars. This was what it felt to be loved by Sirius Black.

“I love you too.” James his voice shaky.

Sirius’s answering smile was so soft, so lovely, it almost broke James’s heart.

“Enough talking now?” Sirius said after a moment, shattering the moment with a wry grin.

“Merlin, yes.” James said.

They grinned widely at each other.

Sirius leant forward slowly crowding James against the tree trunk. James swallowed as one cool hand came to rest against his jaw and the other against his thigh.

James’s pulse thundered in his chest, as ran his gaze over Sirius’s face once more, taking in the all too familiar angles and planes now made new with Sirius’s expression of unconcealed adoration.

James let his eyes drift closed as their lips touched, allowing himself to be swept away.

**Epilogue**

“Mr Potter, Mr Black.” McGonagall said, as she placed their essays face down on their table.

James pressed his lips together regarding the paper wearily. It was their last returnable transfiguration assignment before their NEWT exams. Next to him, he felt Sirius shift and place a comforting hand on his thigh under the table. James quickly looked around them, but the majority of students were adsorbed in their own conversations as McGonagall returned their essays.

Taking a deep breath, James summoned his courage and turned his parchment over, his heart beating in his throat.

The sheer relief of seeing the little red inked “O” in the corner of the page robbed him momentary of breath.

“Well done.” Sirius said, flipping his own paper over to reveal a matching “O” mark.

“It’s you I should be thanking.” James said, as he sagged back into his chair, the twin feelings of elation and relief warring for inside him. 

Sirius scoffed. “I hardly did anything.”

James regarded him with amusement. There was a spark of mischief in his eyes, his lips quirked in a smirk. James felt the familiar compulsion to kiss him and this time he didn’t fight it. Sirius jolted in surprise as James darted forward. The kiss was rather tame by their standards, but James had to admit the location was unexpected.

Someone behind them cleared their throat very loudly and Sirius and James lurched apart.

“PDA is to be kept to an absolute minimum in the classroom, Mr Potter and Mr Black.” McGonagall scolded.

James flushed, running a shaking hand through his hair.

“Sorry Professor, it won’t happen again.” Sirius replied, the sincerity his apology undermined by his far too pleased expression.

McGonagall gave them a stern look, but the corner of her mouth tilted up in amusement. She half turned to resume handing out the remaining essays, but at the last moment seemed to change her mind.

“An excellent effort from both of you.” McGonagall said.

James drunk in her praise. He would never take it for granted again.

“Your submissions made for interesting reading. I think I will miss your slightly obscure takes on even the simplest of topics.” McGonagall confessed her face softening becoming almost wistful.

“Thanks Professor.” Sirius and James responded in unison, matching grins on their faces.

“Don’t let it go to your heads.” McGonagall said sternly, but there was humour sparkling in her eyes. She turned back to handing out essays, shaking her head.

James and Sirius caught each other’s eye and burst out laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well its done! Yay my first completed multichapter fic. Thanks for everyone who read along, gave kudos and/or commented, hopefully you found the ending satisfying <3 I love these two.


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